Areas of Life: Friendship
For many of us, friendships are one of—if not the—most significant relationships in our lives.
For many of us, friendships are one of—if not the—most significant relationships in our lives.
About: Friendship
Our Areas of Life categories help define how we interact with the world. Rather than define our relationships either romantically or through friendships, we have created an expansive system focused on all areas of a person’s life, from their interactions at work to how they create their chosen families and participate in their broader communities.
For many of us, friendships are one of—if not the—most significant relationships in our lives. Yet each Connection Style approaches their friendships—whether they be best friends, good friends or merely acquaintances—with different goals. Learning how you navigate friendship based on your Connection Style as well as how your friends navigate friendship based on their Connection Style can help you nourish the connections you already have and deepen the ones you want to grow.
In this Areas of Life guide, we will break down how each Connection Style approaches and nourishes their friendships.
Connection Styles and Friendship
Best friends, good friends and the acquaintances in our lives
Cultivators
The Cultivator’s focus on an individual means they tend to have long, firmly rooted relationships. Long periods of silence in a friendship won’t diminish its value for a Cultivator. They tend to avoid bringing in new friends and are discerning with their friendships. It is rare for Cultivators to have acquaintances; there is no need to maintain insubstantial relationships.
Like all Connection Styles, it is important for Cultivators to show up for others. They do this by prioritizing one-on-one time, creating a safer space for making a deeper connection. Cultivators value memory-sharing. They remember the details, and they value the details for what they imply about the history and depth of a connection.
Seekers
Vulnerability is important to Seekers in establishing and deepening their connections with others. It helps bring people together. Seekers don’t value people who lack vulnerability and authenticity. Seekers may have many types of friends. More than other types, Seekers may have many acquaintances because they can compartmentalize interesting, but not deep connections.
However, Seekers value having a few close friends they can trust. Quality is more important than quantity. Too many “middle of the road” friends signifies a lack of depth. Low-quality friends are those who don’t connect, either through quality time or communication. It is important for Seekers when people show up, and it is the same for them in reverse.
Enthusiasts
Enthusiasts value an abundance of connections. They want it all: best friends, acquaintances and everything in-between. But Enthusiasts—who value friendship—want close, personal relationships most of all.
It may appear, due to their abundance of connections, that quantity is the name of the game. But quality is just as, if not more, important. Enthusiasts seek to maintain good, intimate relationships with those they love most. They may frequently feel like they’re falling short, which is more to do with their people-pleasing than the reality of their relationships.
Organizers
Reliability and dependability are important in an Organizer’s friendships. Organizers are “helpers.” They will dive in to help anyone. However, it may feel one-sided if their friends don’t do the same for them. Those people wouldn’t get the status of friend or family, meaning an Organizer may have many acquaintances, but only a small, trusted circle of actual friends.
Organizers value a “golden rule” of doing for others what they want others to do for them. Therefore, showing up is key. They will do the work to maintain their “circle.” If something big is occurring in a friend’s life, they will—at minimum—reach out. This includes sending thoughtful gifts or cards for events like birthdays, anniversaries and births. For their closest friendships, they know the other person will do the same for them. And if they are unable to “be there,” an Organizer will always explain why, as soon as they can.
Truth Tellers
Truth Tellers value having a few close, but intimate, friendships. They often feel like they have to “manage” the emotions of others. In turn, they may feel overwhelmed by the emotions of others, the needs of those they love and the potential (or real) fallout from things they’ve said. They value one-on-one time because these types of get-togethers give them time to talk through their feelings and express themselves. Truth Tellers stand firm in their principles, and it may be hard for them to form connections with people who don’t share their worldview.
Above all, Truth Tellers want friendships where they are prioritized, cared for and able to be honest. If Truth Tellers find themselves in subpar friendships, they won’t hesitate to cut out those relationships in favor of ones they feel are truly reciprocal.