Big Little Wins
Sometimes, our friends see the greatness within us before we see it in ourselves.
Sometimes, our friends see the greatness within us before we see it in ourselves.
As we get older, personal wins are no longer our own. People celebrate moments you have in connection with other people—your engagements, your weddings, your babies—but often downplay or ignore your other major accomplishments in life acquired by ourselves alone. But not my friend Shanna, for she has the uncanny ability to see you when you may not even see yourself. I had gotten used to marking major personal wins alone. Sharing a new article or award through a simple post on a social media platform was not a celebration. Instead, it felt more like a citation of my life, a note that arrived and quickly vanished within seconds. If I did not make a quick post, I feared the New Great Thing I accomplished may not have even truly existed at all. If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? As a writer, I had spent years learning how to tamper my expectations. There’s a lot of rejection in writing, both from readers and from publications. And four years ago, on the night before my largest writing accomplishment to date was set to be published, I was prepared again for nothing but the worst. But then, while sitting in her apartment and recording a podcast, Shanna asked me a question.
As we get older, personal wins are no longer our own.
“How are you going to celebrate?” The question took me by surprise. Was I allowed to celebrate myself outside of a birthday party? Did this accomplishment, even if it felt major to me, warrant more fanfare than a Twitter share or an Instagram post? Did this even count as a milestone to recognize? “Should I celebrate?” I asked her. “Obviously,” she replied. “After this, we’ll go to a bar and get some champagne.” And we did. In a quiet dive bar on the far north side of the city of Chicago, we held two glasses of very cheap, very potent champagne and toasted to the next day, to this personal achievement, to the small wins that are actually big, to reaching our goals, to reclaiming our milestones. “How does it feel?” she asked me. “It feels … good!” I replied.