How to Be More Empathetic
Empathy is a skill you can develop to deepen your relationships and support your loved ones more effectively.
Empathy is a skill you can develop to deepen your relationships.
Empathy is the ability to share the feelings and perspective of another person. It is the “psychological ‘superglue’ that connects people and undergirds cooperation and kindness,” says psychologist Jamil Zaki in The Economist. Empathy differs from sympathy, and instead asks you to feel with someone and connect emotionally to their situation.
While some people are naturally more empathetic than others, it is a skill anyone can develop and strengthen. Here, we’ll show you how to become more empathetic through active listening, non-judgemental communication and curiosity.
What to do
Research from the Journal of Family Psychology shows that active listening between partners during times of stress is strongly linked to better coping skills and higher relationship satisfaction. Temporarily remove distractions like a cell phone or your day-to-day work and tune into your loved one’s body language, words and tone of voice to better understand how they feel. What can you do to make sure your loved one feels heard?
Use phrases like “I hear your anger” or “It makes sense you feel that way” to acknowledge their present emotions and affirm how they’re feeling. Judgemental language—like saying, "You shouldn’t have done that”— can make your loved one feel unheard or even unsafe to confide in you.
Different people have different experiences of the world because of their opinions, upbringing, culture, values and identities. Differences can make empathy challenging. Rather than assume understanding, remain curious. Ask questions like: "That’s never happened to me, can you share more details? I’m not familiar with that, can you tell me more? How did that experience affect you?"
What not to do
It’s easy to insert your own narrative into another person’s dilemma or emotions, but empathy isn’t about how you would handle a given situation. It’s about understanding a different worldview through one’s actions and feelings. Refrain from judgment. It may seem silly that your friend is crying over a misplaced sweater, but when you resist centering yourself in another person’s narrative, you may discover something much deeper about their feelings and actions.
When someone comes to you for support, avoid offering immediate solutions to their problems. Empathy is based on connection; advice is based in action. Give your loved one space to vent and think aloud rather than try to fix their life. If you still want to offer advice, ask first and respect that sometimes people just need a place to feel heard, rather than a plan.
Summary
— Empathy is the ability to feel another person’s emotions and understand their perspective.
— Empathy is based on active listening, non-judgmental communication and curiosity.
— Avoid making someone else’s feelings or issues about you
— Empathy and advice are different —always ask how someone would like to be supported.
When someone comes to you with an issue or emotion, it’s an opportunity to deepen the trust and love between you. Empathy is a gift you can give every day.