How to Give Better Advice
Providing better solutions requires initiating better conversations.
Providing better solutions requires initiating better conversations.
Consider this scenario: Your friend tells you they need to talk to you about something upsetting in their workplace. Their manager has given them extra shifts while their coworkers keep their original ones. While you may be tempted to offer any kind of advice, every situation is unique and requires attentiveness and care when addressing.
Here, we’ll look at best practices for offering advice to a friend or loved one.
What to do
For some of us, our first instinct is to provide advice whenever a friend or loved one has a problem. While advice may be helpful, it isn’t always wanted. Finding ways to be supportive such as giving them your undivided attention is more valuable for people dealing with personal conflicts.
Your first instinct may be to recommend a solution, but consider how you would feel in their situation. Listening, rather than giving an initial opinion, is important because they may only need an active listener. Venting is normal and sometimes, necessary.
What to say
When is it appropriate to give advice? Did someone specifically ask for your advice? Do they seem unsure about a situation? Will your advice build them up or benefit them? These are questions you should ask yourself after listening to their concerns.
Ask for clarification to better understand their expectations for the conversation. Ask questions about the situation like what can I do to help to encourage your friend to discuss their issues if they are unsure.
What not to say
When your friend is talking, let them express their emotions and concerns first. Don’t interrupt or focus on what you want to say next. It is essential to listen, otherwise they may feel unheard and lack the confidence to speak to you.
Then, offer to brainstorm solutions together. Have a conversation that allows them to build on your ideas or challenges the solutions you recommend. A conversation will also allow you to gauge whether or not you should give your two cents.
Many experts such as Melody Li, a Texas marriage family therapist, suggest you respect a person’s opinions and prepare for your advice to be rejected if you offer input, according to a New York Times article. However, offering options allows you to help the person without giving a solution they may not want or may get them in trouble.
For example, if you told your friend they should quit, that may not be an ideal option because they may be facing ongoing issues, like a loss of income. Unless you want to contribute to their finances, you should not be making choices for them.
If you feel hesitant to give advice, then you probably shouldn’t give any at all. Your advice might not be needed if they are not seeking a second opinion, if they talk about the solutions they already have, or if they seem uninterested in the ideas you give them. Sometimes, people simply want to vent their problems with no intention of getting help.
Summary
If you are still confused, remember these quick tips:
— Listen to their concerns.
— Ask questions about their situation.
— Brainstorm reasonable ideas with them for solving their problem.
— Don’t assume your advice is needed.
Remember that everyone’s situations are different. Don’t assume that you can help them through your lens. Ask questions, start conversations and be the listener they want you to be.