How to Navigate Differing Viewpoints
Not seeing eye-to-eye should not lead to unnecessary arguments
Not seeing eye-to-eye should not lead to unnecessary arguments
Nathaniel Glanzman
Reviewer URLFrom finances to families, there are a myriad of topics that can foster wildly differing viewpoints from your own. So, how should you respond when a potentially sensitive topic becomes the main conversation at a gathering? We’ve gathered a few solutions.
Differing viewpoints
While it is fairly common to hold differing viewpoints from our friends and loved ones, you may feel awkward, tense or even heated when the subject of conversation is something more deeply divisive. It’s possible others may not even understand how deeply their viewpoint is affecting you internally — stirring feelings of anger, sadness or distress. But before activating fight-or-flight mode, consider alternative approaches to addressing their opinions.
What to do
The best way to navigate a conversation where differing viewpoints are front-and-center is to approach the conversation from a place of curiosity, writes Danielle M. Dick, Ph.D., in Psychology Today. Curiosity is a more neutral position than perceiving this person in your life as “the other” (which only heightens the conflict).
Curiosity also requires conscious listening, too — as in, really listening, which means restraining yourself from interrupting and offering your focused attention. Curious listeners avoid distractions, like turning on the TV or looking at their phone, and they don’t preemptively contemplate what their response will be. This approach demands a fair dose of empathy — which can be challenging if you really disagree.
When you do share your point of view, make a point of using “I statements” like “I think” or “I feel,” which comes across as more empathetic and sounds less accusatory.
What not to do
Once a viewpoint is openly shared, it’s out there for others to digest. It can’t be taken back or easily forgotten — especially if it was emotionally triggering.
Having a thoughtful conversation — mutually sharing and openly listening to each other’s differing viewpoints — is a clear demonstration of the respect you have for each other. You may even find common ground or a compromise. If a conversation is not possible at this time, respectfully asking to not engage with the subject is appropriate. Even if the end result is an agreement to disagree, at least you have a clearer understanding about their position (and they of yours). These conversations can actually deepen the bond you share.
Summary
A few key takeaways:
— Differing viewpoints are a fact of life — and that’s okay.
— Use “I statements” like “I feel” to frame your point of view in a more empathetic way.
— Openly listening to each other is a clear demonstration of the respect you have for each other — and may even lead to finding mutual ground.
— Agreeing to disagree is perfectly okay, too.