How To Reach Out to Others
Checking in with a loved one doesn’t have to be complicated.
Checking in with a loved one doesn’t have to be complicated.
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Check in on your friends.” And while we all want to be there for our loved ones, sometimes it’s hard to know when and how to reach out, and what exactly to say. Let’s explore some reasons why you might feel stuck and examples of how you can reach out in a meaningful way.
Why it's difficult
Reaching out to a friend sounds simple. Unfortunately, we tend to overcomplicate things in our mind, hoping to fulfill our idea of the “perfect” friend or embody a one-person support system. When we care about a loved one deeply, it’s easy to forget that we can’t realistically do it all. Remember that checking in can be simple, yet heartfelt—and it shouldn’t require you to drop everything in your own life.
We might also hesitate because we aren’t sure about the “right” thing to do or say. But it’s better to do something—no matter how small—than nothing at all.
When to reach out
A good rule of thumb is to briefly check in when your friend or loved one comes to mind. Maybe you’re reflecting on your last conversation and want to send them a quick message of appreciation. Or perhaps you’re thinking of a nice memory you share with them. Simply letting someone know you’re thinking of them can go a long way.
Maybe they have a significant event coming up and could use encouragement. Take the initiative to contact them, even if they seem to have everything totally under control. Chances are they’ll appreciate hearing from you, even if they haven’t explicitly asked for support.
What to say
When approaching these interactions, “stay curious and don’t make assumptions about their situation,” advises Wendy Griffith, LCSW at the University of Texas MD Anderson Cancer Center. Asking neutral, open-ended questions like, “How are you feeling?” and “What do you think you need?” will allow them the freedom to answer honestly, and will ensure you don’t jump to conclusions.
If your friend is in a situation where they need tangible support, reflect on what specifically you can offer them. When you reach out, clearly state what you can help them with, such as a meal or an errand, and when.
Other means of support
Your offer doesn’t have to be a physical item or task if that’s not realistic or appropriate for the situation. Emotional support is incredibly important, too—you could lend a listening ear or shoulder to cry on.
Griffith recommends being open for a variety of responses and even periods of silence, especially if someone is going through a tough time. You can continue to check in from time to time, without placing expectations on them, to let them know you care.
Summary
The desire to reach out is a sign that you truly care about someone. Here are some tips to avoid overcomplicating it.
— A simple, heartfelt “I’m thinking of you” can mean a lot.
— Make space for your loved one to express their honest feelings and needs.
— Don’t impose your own expectations for their response.
— Reaching out in any way you can is better than not reaching out at all.