How to Reconnect with Others
Reconnecting with old friends may be difficult, but it is not impossible.
Reconnecting with old friends may be difficult, but it is not impossible.
It happens to many of us: day-by-day, we fall out of touch with our friends, and sometimes that falling out may be volatile. Reconnecting with friends and family can have a positive impact on our well-being, and reopening the door to that relationship may be simpler than you think.
Here, we’ll walk you through how to reconnect with others and why it can feel so tricky.
Why it's difficult
Reconnection can be hard because there is often blame, shame and fear involved. Maybe we blame the other person for a falling out or feel ashamed that we stopped putting effort into the relationship. You might also fear that the other person will reject your attempt to reconnect.
Though difficult, reconnection with people from your past can positively impact your mental health. A study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that reconnection can be a coping mechanism for stress. “We have a deep well of trust and love built up in these relationships and it doesn’t take much to release that again,” Joe Labianca, Ph.D., co-author of the study, wrote in an article for Psychology Today.
What to do
First, try to set your fears aside. If you value this person and your relationship, it’s worth the uncomfortable feelings.
Next, make initial contact. If you don’t reach out first, you may lose even more time off your relationship.
If possible, call the person and ask them to meet up for coffee or go for a walk. Connecting in person or on the phone is preferable because it can help you meaningfully reconnect.
Once you reconnect, make an effort to continuously connect so you don’t fall out of touch again. Be open to the fact that the person may have changed and the dynamics of the relationship may be different. Understand that they may not want to reconnect at all.
What to say
When you reach out, be bold and upfront; don’t assume you’ll instantly reconnect after a text or two. Make it clear that you would like to reconnect in person and begin to form a relationship again.
If things feel awkward, begin by talking about things you have in common. Maybe you were part of a sports team together or you have a fun memory to reminisce on.
Make the other person feel at ease by asking meaningful questions about them. “How have you been?” is good, but “What’s it like being an uncle?” is better because it is specific and can lead to a richer conversation.
Summary
The next time you want to reconnect with someone:
— Try to push past any blame, shame, or fear
— Reconnect in person whenever possible
— Continue to make an effort after your first contact
— Show genuine interest in their life
Taking that first step to reach out to somebody can be difficult. Reconnecting in person and sincerely asking about the other person can help you successfully bring them back into your life.