How to Talk to Someone Who Is Angry
The best response to a person’s anger is with patience, empathy and respect.
The best response to a person’s anger is with patience, empathy and respect.
Nathaniel Glanzman
Reviewer URLAnger is a natural and primary emotion that everyone feels at times. It can cause misunderstandings and create difficult conversations. Talking to someone who is angry does not have to be an intimidating experience. Understanding the underlying causes of the anger makes it possible to defuse the situation, foster understanding between both parties and come to a resolution.
The root of the problem
Even those closest to us aren't immune to feeling angry at times. Angry outbursts are often precipitated by external stimuli (such as interactions with others or negative experiences in one's immediate surroundings) or internal ones (such as experiencing emotional or physical pain). Anger might also be caused by unknown factors or the expectations placed on oneself within one's surroundings.
Anger may make it difficult, if not impossible, for some to manage their emotions and respond to stressful situations. Unfortunately, some individuals tend to direct their rage onto innocent bystanders. Maintaining composure and acting rationally might be difficult when one's temper flares. When talking to an angry person, keeping patience is essential since their anger may quickly escalate out of control.
What to do
When an individual is angry, it is vital to approach them with empathy and respect. It is essential to avoid responding aggressively, which will only heighten the level of frustration. Acknowledge the emotions they are expressing, and let them know you understand. Listen patiently and actively to the person's concerns, and try to offer solutions.
Speak clearly and be direct. Make sure to use "I" statements, and avoid assigning blame. Refrain from making assumptions or interrupting the person and instead take time to process the conversation. Make sure to remain open to their point of view. Offer solutions that can help to resolve the issue. As a reminder, it is always okay to disengage and revisit the situation later if necessary.
If someone is acting aggressively or threatening towards you, it is crucial to remain calm and use non-confrontational language. If the situation continues to escalate, it's best to seek help from a third party or call the authorities (if you feel comfortable doing so). Remember to stay aware of the problem, and use your best judgment to ensure safety.
What not to do
When dealing with an angry person, remaining calm and avoiding hostile behavior is essential. Avoid raising your voice, name-calling and using sarcasm. Be respectful, and do not act defensively. Refrain from suggesting the other person is wrong, and try to empathize instead. Don't make decisions for others as this can be perceived as patronizing.
Avoid making assumptions or placing blame on the other person. You do not want to use provocative words or raise your voice. Focusing on the facts and avoiding personal attacks is key to having a productive conversation. Don't interrupt or talk over each other—listening attentively can help de-escalate the situation.
What to say
It is crucial to choose your words carefully, and ensure that your tone is respectful and non-confrontational. Begin by acknowledging the person's feelings and letting them know that you understand their concerns and want to help. Ask open-ended questions to understand their perspective and provide solutions. Offer to take action to address their concerns when appropriate.
Use statements that will help the person feel heard and understood, such as "I hear what you are saying, and you feel invalidated. Is that right?" or "Tell me more about what happened." It may take time for them to work through their anger and resolve it, so be patient and respond respectfully.
Summary
Anger can be difficult to deal with for the person experiencing it and those trying to communicate with them. Utilize these tips for best practices.
— Approach the angry person with empathy.
— Try to remain calm, rational and respectful.
— Make sure to validate the person's feelings, as this will help to create a safe atmosphere.
— Remain patient, and avoid responding to their anger with your hostility.
— Avoid jumping to conclusions.
— Listen actively to the person's concerns and try to offer solutions or potential solutions.
— Avoid raising your voice, name-calling and using sarcasm.
Anger can be difficult to deal with for the person experiencing it and those trying to communicate with them. Properly communicating with someone who is angry involves understanding the root of their anger, validating their feelings, and helping your loved one find a constructive solution through calmness, active listening, patience and empathy.