Love Languages: Gifts
How to show care and appreciation for someone who feels loved by receiving gifts.
How to show care and appreciation for someone who feels loved by receiving gifts.
How to show care and appreciation for someone who feels loved by receiving gifts.
What we’ll cover
First outlined by Gary Chapman, Ph.D. in his 1992 book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, love languages are ways that people give and receive love. He divided the love languages into the following five types: acts of service, gifts, quality time, words of affirmation and physical touch.
In this “What to Do” guide, we’ll learn about the love language of “gifts.” We’ll define what it is, how you can tell it’s someone’s love language and what you can do to show someone you care if their love language is gifts. We’ll also share some things to avoid when giving gifts.
What it is
Learning how to be there for others often involves learning how to best communicate with them, and understanding and meeting the needs of their love language can help improve the quality of your relationship. Although the five love languages were first described through romantic relationships, they have since been adopted and understood through the context of all types of platonic relationships.
When someone’s love language is gifts, they feel the most loved when they receive gifts. They appreciate tangible tokens of affection that they can keep to remind them of how much their loved ones care for them. Their favorite gifts aren’t necessarily extravagant or expensive. Rather, they’re thoughtful and meaningful.
They value the meaning behind tangible tokens of affection and tend to hold onto gifts from others, whether it’s a piece of clothing they can wear or home decor they can display on a shelf. It’s important to them that somebody else takes time to truly think about them and their interests, and that is most clearly apparent to them when they receive a gift.
Understanding gifts
It can be difficult to determine someone’s love language, and many people don’t know what their love language is.
Here are some ways you can tell if someone’s love language is gifts:
— They seem very appreciative any time you give them a gift.
— They tend to give gifts a lot because they are knowingly or unknowingly expressing their own love language.
— They often give the best, most thoughtful gifts.
— They hold onto gifts, trinkets and tokens of affection for a long time.
— They attach sentimental meaning to objects.
According to Dr. Jeral Kirwan, former Program Chair of the Master of Arts in Psychology in the College of Health, Human Services, and Science at the University of Arizona Global Campus, giving gifts helps reinforce relationships. When we give or receive gifts, our feelings of romantic or platonic affection toward the other person tend to increase. This is all the more true for people whose love language is gifts.
What not to do
It can be difficult to cater to somebody else’s love language when it’s different from your own. Giving gifts should not simply be obligatory. Avoid giving gifts just because you feel you need to, and don’t give gifts with the expectation of receiving something in return.
Going overboard
Why it doesn’t work: For people who value receiving gifts, it’s not about the money. They often feel just as loved with a gift that costs next to nothing—like a handmade scarf or a book—which reminds you of them. Going out of your way to bring them a cup of their favorite coffee often means more than an expensive gift for their birthday. In an article for Psychology Today, Meghna Mahambrey Ph.D. said, “They don’t need to be fancy or expensive; they just have to show you were thinking about them.”
Giving a gift without thought or meaning
Why it doesn't work: While they may like receiving gifts, they don’t want you to give them something just because you felt like you had to. Generic gifts without meaning can feel hurtful and impersonal. One of the best parts of receiving a gift is knowing that you took special time out of your day to think about them.
Calling them greedy or materialistic for wanting gifts
Why it doesn't work: Sometimes, people feel ashamed that their love language is gifts because they don’t want to come across as greedy or materialistic. Making them feel bad about their love language isn’t going to change it, but it could put a strain on your relationship. It’s often not the case that they want a lot of things, but that they value the meaning behind the things.
Giving gifts only at expected times
Why it doesn't work: Most people expect gifts on holidays, birthdays and special occasions. People who value gifts will like these gifts too, but it’s the out-of-the-blue gifts that really mean a lot to them. When you weren’t obligated to give a gift, they feel particularly special and loved. The gifts are tangible reminders they’re on your mind.
Missing a holiday or special occasion
Why it doesn't work: While it’s true that your loved one appreciates gifts that are unexpected, they also appreciate gifts that are expected. In fact, they may feel disappointed and forgotten if you don't give them a gift at an expected time, such as a major holiday like Christmas or their birthday.