On Cozy

I say I grew up in two places, and that is somewhat true. Oak Park, a suburb of Chicago, is where I spent the majority of my time. We first lived in an apartment before purchasing our own home on the Southwest side of the town. But maybe, through the lens of nostalgia, I recognize Austin as my home too. My grandparents live in the Austin neighborhood of Chicago in a beautiful and traditional American Four Square house. There, the sidewalks are wide and easy to maneuver. Sometimes, I sat down on the sidewalk and from my line of vision, the houses reached far beyond where the eye could see. Even now, when I visit as an adult, I can see the history there. When we moved to Oak Park, my sister and I tried to play outdoors, but we largely played inside. This was different than in Austin, where the freedom and joy of girlhood played out on sidewalks and in backyards. Black girlhood is summer. It arrives quickly and dies just as fast. Suddenly we are young women, even if we don’t feel it, even if we know intrinsically there is life left to live. In childhood, we are given the freedom to firmly be ourselves. There is nothing too high or too far or too great for us. No, instead everything is within reach. It’s not just innocence. It is, I think, a true sense of self. It is ourselves at our most actualized. Unburdened by the weight of the world, we are free to be ourselves. When I say there is history there, I mean there is history of childhood, of innocence, of the power of play. Our Oak Park block was quiet, but in Austin there was "there" there. There was the energy born out of time enjoyed. It was something I didn’t know I needed until it was gone.