Self-Care (Self-Core?)

After several years of friends, family and medical professionals telling me that exercise would help with my anxiety, I have finally listened. I have, for the last month, taken up Pilates. I chose Pilates because it is close to my house. I also thought I might like it, but the real reason I chose it is because I can walk there. I can roll out of bed and be in a Pilates class in 10 minutes. (For the record: I am not usually in bed. Just in bed the normal amount.) Pilates is great because it plays to my core strengths. Pilates asks the question, “Can you tense all the muscles in your body at once?” And, as a woman who had at least two panic attacks a week until I was 27, my answer to that question is: yes. If I worked at it, I bet I could tense my eyeballs. I’m pretty sure I’ve tensed my eyeballs at least once by accident. A woman cannot reduce her anxiety by Pilates alone. I’ve created an entire “self-care” routine around going to Pilates class. First, I text at least one person to tell them I’m going to Pilates. When I get out, I text two different people to tell them I went. Do my friends love receiving these texts? I’m not sure; I’ve not asked. But—based on the fact that I’ve gotten back at least three “yesssss” texts and one friend has started calling Pilates “PiKaties”—I think I’m playing a winning hand. It might be a stupid text to get, but it’s started a conversation every time.

Self-care for me now includes other people—those I know and those I don’t.

In the past, before I started working at Thoughtful, I conceptualized “self-care” as a sort of “me-only” time. I tried all the things I’d seen advertised. I put on face masks. I listened to lo-fi beats. I tried to take a bath that one time before I remembered I live in a rental built in 1900. None of it felt satisfying. With a face mask falling from my eyebrows, I’d realize: I didn’t feel relaxed. I would inevitably end each “self-care” journey by having an existential crisis on my bathroom floor. Why did I think a $5 face mask would fix all my life problems? Self-care these days feels like a lot more work, but it is also more satisfying. Self-care for me now includes other people—those I know and those I don’t. Self-care can be going to Pilates and calling a friend to find out if their boss is still being weird. Self-care is putting food in the community fridge near my house. Self-care is trying to introduce myself to every other dog owner in the neighborhood so now I can wave at them and greet them by name. Self-care is about making and maintaining connections. It is now about realizing that what makes life worth it—what makes me care—are the people around me. In making connections with those I love and those in my broader community, I find there is a lot less space for dread and a lot more space for joy.