Social Customs: Baby Showers
Celebrate new life with this modern American tradition.
Celebrate new life with this modern American tradition.
Celebrate new life with this modern American tradition.
What we'll cover
Baby showers are a common American custom where parents-to-be prepare to welcome an infant into their homes. During baby showers, guests celebrate and give gifts to new parents to help them prepare their home for a new child.
In this “Social Customs” guide, we’ll give you a brief overview of baby showers, what to do when attending a baby shower and what to avoid.
A history of baby showers
Baby showers are a relatively new and American phenomenon. The tradition sprung out of Victorian women-only tea parties held after the birth of a child. These developed over time into pre-birth parties and, during the “baby boom” of the post-war era, into the baby showers we know today. The baby shower combined the consumerism of the 1950s with the gendered traditions of the Victorian era.
However, for some cultures, pre-birth rituals have been considered bad luck. In Jewish culture, for example, parents don’t hold baby showers or discuss potential baby names.
Today, baby showers are changing. The venues are varied and the guest list is often co-ed. Although traditionally held only for first-born children, baby showers can now be held for any child, although smaller parties are expected for second- or third-born children.
What to do
Baby showers are a time to celebrate parents-to-be. Given their roots in Victorian parlors, baby showers are often host to a variety of participatory games. Come prepared to have fun and abide by our tips.
— RSVP. Baby showers can be held at home or at a venue. But they are always hosted by someone who is not the parent-to-be. To help out, RSVP in advance.
— Dress nice, or follow the dress code. Unlike wedding-related events, baby showers don't typically come with a dress code. The venue will likely clue you in to the level of dressing up you need to do. But it is generally a good idea to dress up, rather than down. If the invite includes a dress code, all the better.
— Bring a gift from the registry. Unless otherwise indicated, gifts are a must at a baby shower. The host will likely send out a registry with the invitation. Purchase a gift from the registry rather than going off script. These are the items the to-be parents want and are sure to be a hit.
— Congratulate the to-be parents. Make sure to greet and congratulate the guest (or guests) of honor at least once while at the party. But don’t monopolize their time so they have a chance to talk to all of the guests.
— Be prepared to play. Baby shower games are fun and sometimes embarrassing. But whether you're having the time of your life or blushing up a storm, you still need to be prepared to play them. Put your game face on.
— Pay attention, if there is a gift-opening. Traditionally, baby showers have included a portion of the time set aside to watch the to-be parent open gifts. Many are eschewing the practice in recent years. But if you are at a party where this happens, be sure to pay attention to the gift-opener and share in the excitement.
— Say thank you. Say “thank you” to the host when you leave and follow up with a text or call saying the same. They should have their hard work acknowledged.
What not to say
Baby showers are fun, daytime affairs. They're relaxed environments where you can mingle with other people your loved one loves. But there are still some topics you should avoid.
“You’re as big as a house/ready to pop/so small I can't tell!”
Why it doesn't work: Baby showers are typically held in or after the seventh month of pregnancy, nearing the due date. Mentioning someone’s body—even someone’s pregnant body—is always a risky move. Rather than talking about someone's size, tell the to-be parent that they look lovely, and keep conversation away from how you think they look.
“That baby is going to be huge!”
Why it doesn't work: The parent-to-be is likely feeling some apprehension about giving birth. Don’t add to it. This is also another way to obliquely comment on their body. This may make them feel self-conscious, and no one wants to feel self-conscious at a party.
“Are you going to have another?”
Why it doesn't work: Let your loved one focus on the birth in front of them, rather than peering far into the future. Ask them about their life now, rather than pushing them to have another baby before they’ve even given birth.
“Are you sure you can eat that?”
Why it doesn't work: Hopefully, the host planned the baby shower with a pregnant person in mind. But even if they did not, the baby shower isn't the time to police the pregnant person’s food or drink intake. Let them make their own decisions on what they can consume.
“When I had mine, we didn’t have an epidural.”
Why it doesn't work: It is best to avoid expounding on the best way to give birth/parent while at a baby shower. The guest (or guests) of honor have likely gotten their fair share of advice. The way they plan to parent or give birth could differ from your own ideas and you could unintentionally cause offense.
[touching the person's stomach] “Oh wow!”
Why it doesn't work: Always ask before touching someone else. If you don’t expect to be touched on the stomach, the pregnant person likely has the same expectation. Ask before you reach out to touch them.
What to say
Baby showers typically feature some sort of planned fun. This is good because it makes conversation easy. But if the games aren’t enough to talk about, these topics can help you out.
— The parents to be. The person you are celebrating is always a safe topic of conversation. How do you know each other? Do you have a favorite PG story to share?
— The party. Discussing the party is always a safe topic of conversation. Are the centerpieces beautiful? Are the games fun? Giving some compliments about the spread is always a good way to start a conversation.
— Pop culture. Discussing popular TV and movies is usually a safe topic of conversation. Is there a TV show you particularly love? Discuss it at the party. You may find another fan.
The gut check
Baby showers are about celebrating parents-to-be. RSVP to the party and follow the dress code. Bring a gift from the registry. Congratulate the parents and thank the host. Come with your best game-playing attitude.
Checklist
✔ RSVP
✔ Follow the registry and bring a gift
✔ Congratulate the to-be parents
✔ Have a good attitude when playing the games
✔ Pay attention, if there is a gift-opening portion
✔ Say “thank you” to the host