Social Customs: Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties
How to enjoy one of the most fun wedding events
How to enjoy one of the most fun wedding events
How to enjoy one of the most fun wedding events
What we'll cover
Bachelor and bachelorette parties are one of the many wedding-related events you may be invited to before the big day. Bachelor and bachelorette party invitations are usually limited to those in the wedding party, but invitations can be extended to anyone with whom the soon-to-be spouse wants to celebrate. These parties are a time to cut loose before the madness of the wedding celebrations.
In this “Social Customs” guide, we’ll discuss the history of bachelor and bachelorette parties. We’ll also let you know the do’s and don'ts of attending one of these parties. And we’ll let you know what topics to avoid and what topics to engage in while there.
A brief history
While bachelor parties have been around since the ancient era, bachelorette parties are a much more recent invention. Bachelor parties began in the 5th century B.C., when Spartans held dinners in honor of the to-be groom, and bachelor parties continued from there. According to TIME magazine, in 1896, P.T. Barnum’s grandson’s bachelor party was raided by police, due to rumors that it was going to be very wild.
For much of the 20th century, the female equivalent of the bachelor party was seen as the bridal shower. This changed in the 1960s when women began throwing bachelorette parties for themselves, not settling for sedate afternoon bridal showers.
What to do
Bachelor and bachelorette parties are fun to attend, but they are a lot of work to create. If you are invited to one of these events, you may be involved in the planning. Keep these tips in mind, even before the celebration, to make things as smooth as possible.
— Respond to planning emails. Bachelor and bachelorette parties are preceded by weeks (or, perhaps, months) of planning. Be sure to respond to all related emails, to lessen the burden on the organizer. Be an active participant in the celebration by being active in the planning process.
— Budget accordingly. Traditionally, the person getting married does not pay for anything associated with the bachelor or bachelorette party. Be sure to be honest with yourself and the wedding party about your budget. Speak up early in the planning about what you can afford. Budget in an extra cushion to pay for the spouse-to-be and any extra costs you may incur.
— RSVP ASAP. The bachelor and bachelorette party planning is usually taken up by the maid of honor or man of honor. RSVP as soon as you can so they can make appropriate plans for the group.
— Ask if you can help. Planning a bachelor or bachelorette party is a large undertaking. It involves planning for housing, group activities, transportation, food and decorations. Ask what you can do to help.
— Pack accordingly. Make sure to read the invitation and pack accordingly. If you and the party are doing sunrise yoga or going for a midday hike, you’ll want to bring clothes and gear for those activities. Make sure you pack for the party you are attending.
— Make conversation. Invites are limited to those close to the soon-to-be spouse, but not all attendees may know one another. Be prepared to make conversation and meet new folks. You could come away from the weekend with some great new friends.
— Be prepared to have fun. Bachelor and bachelorette parties come with a lot of organized fun. Parties can attend sporting events, engage in pub crawls, play games or go on hikes together. Be prepared to have a good attitude during this organized bonding.
— Thank the organizer. Organizing a bachelor or bachelorette party can be a thankless task. Thank the organizer while you are there. Follow up after the event with a thank you note.
What not to say
Bachelor and bachelorette parties are a fun time to get together with a large variety of people close to the soon-to-be spouse. Avoid getting into hot water with the other guests by steering clear of the following topics.
“I’m shocked you and Bethany worked out.”
Why it doesn't work: Any doubts you have about your loved one’s relationship with their soon-to-be spouse should be kept to yourself. Even if you are just kidding, this type of joke may not be appreciated in the run up to the wedding.
“I have strong feelings about abortion.”
Why it doesn't work: Steer clear of potentially controversial topics. Those invited to the bachelor or bachelorette party are a mixed group of people. There may be friends from all walks of life and with many different perspectives. Avoid controversial topics to prevent creating unnecessary arguments.
“I hate this place.”
Why it doesn't work: Keep your negative opinions about the bachelor or bachelorette location or activities to yourself. Maybe the party is in Las Vegas and that’s not your cup of tea. That’s fine. The party is about your loved one and not you. Don’t be a downer.
“This party is so expensive.”
Why it doesn't work: Bachelor and bachelorette parties can be quite pricey. But any worries about money should be brought up during the planning process, rather than at the party itself. Talking about money should be done without the soon-to-be spouse present. You don’t want to make them feel guilty over the price, especially in the stressful weeks before the big day.
“I’m having so much fun with everyone—except Jeff.”
Why it doesn't work: Bachelor and bachelorette invite lists can be a real grab bag. You may have the bride’s work bestie, her childhood best friend, her weird cousin and her best sorority sister. You might not gel with one or any of them. Don’t complain about the guest list and avoid creating conflict.
What to say
Meeting people at a bachelor or bachelorette can be awkward. But there are some safe topics of conversation that will always get the ball rolling.
— The soon-to-be spouse. Sharing your favorite stories of the guest of honor is always a good conversational fallback. You and the other invitees all know the honored guest. People will be interested in the many sides of the person you all love, and you can share yours.
— The activities. Bachelor and bachelorette parties are filled with a lot of organized fun to bring everyone together. Complimenting and commenting on the fun you’re having is always a good conversational route.
— Hobbies. Talking about your own hobbies is always a good conversational opening. You may end up finding a new friend who shares your interests.
— Pop culture. Books, TV and movies are good topics for conversation. Share what you’ve been watching and reading, and get some recommendations for what to tune into next.
The gut check
Bachelor and bachelorette parties require a lot of work to execute. Help out the organizer by responding to all planning emails. Be clear about your budget. Ask how you can help. RSVP as soon as you can. Pack accordingly and prepare for fun.
Checklist
✔ Actively participate in the planning
✔ Be honest about your budget
✔ RSVP in a timely fashion
✔ Lend a hand
✔ Pack accordingly
✔ Make conversation
✔ Bring good vibes to planned activities
✔ Thank the organizer, twice