Social Customs: Bridal and Wedding Showers
Get ready to play some games at this traditional pre-wedding event.
Get ready to play some games at this traditional pre-wedding event.
Get ready to play some games at this traditional pre-wedding event.
What we'll cover
In modern America, wedding showers are celebrated with games and gifts. The party is a great way to celebrate the couple before their marriage.
In this “Social Customs” guide, we’ll give you a brief overview of bridal and wedding showers. We’ll also cover what to do, what not to say and how to be the best guest you can be.
An overview
Bridal showers date back to 16th century Holland and were first held in the United States in the 1890s. They were women-only events that often focused on celebration and gift giving for the bride. Bridal showers were an intermediary time between the woman’s single and married lives. People continue to celebrate bridal showers to this day.
Those looking for an alternative may celebrate with a wedding shower instead. Wedding showers, unlike a bridal shower, celebrate both members of the couple, rather than just one.
Wedding or bridal showers are typically planned by someone close to the couple, often the maid of honor and other members of the wedding party. The guest list is smaller than the wedding. If you are invited to the shower, tradition dictates you’d be invited to the wedding as well.
Showers include games and gifts. The games are often questions about the marrying couple. Like most showers, bridal or wedding showers typically occur during the daytime.
What to do
Wedding or bridal showers are filled with silliness. Remember to let the couple know how much you love them, and enjoy some daytime fun. Here are some tips to help:
— RSVP. Bridal showers are typically planned anywhere from two to six months prior to the wedding. RSVP as soon as you can, so the host can get an accurate headcount.
— Follow the dress code. If there is a dress code callout provided, follow it. Many bridal or wedding showers call for daytime cocktail attire, a semi-formal dress that can include jumpsuits, nice pants or knee-length dresses. Daytime cocktail attire also includes brighter and lighter colors and fabrics than its evening counterpart.
— Don’t wear white. Just like many wedding-related events, it is a faux pas to wear white to the wedding shower. If celebrating a bridal shower, the bride will likely wear a white outfit.
— Speak up about food allergies and intolerances. Bridal or wedding showers are often catered. If you have a food allergy, communicate it to the host as soon as you can.
— Gifts are expected. Unless otherwise indicated on the invitation, guests are usually required to bring a gift to a bridal or wedding shower. (If you expect to go to the wedding, you would give a gift at both the wedding and shower.)
— Follow the registry. The couple will often create a registry for their shower. Purchase from the registry, so the recipient is sure to love it.
— Be prepared to have fun. Showers typically include games, both for fun and as an icebreaker. Many guests may not know one another. Be prepared to be a good sport during the games and get to know the neighbors at your table.
— Congratulate the bride or couple. The marrying couple or bride will be the star of the show at the party. They won’t have long to talk. But before you leave, at least manage to say “congratulations” and hello.
— Speak to the parents. Pre-wedding activities are all about bringing family and friends together. Parents are often present at showers. If hosting a very traditional bridal shower, only female guests will be present, excluding the father of the bride. If they are hosting the party, give them a compliment about it.
— Don’t overdo it. If you are drinking alcohol, be mindful of how much you are consuming. It is not a time to be intoxicated.
— Pay attention during gift opening. Not every bridal or wedding shower includes a portion of the event where you watch the gifts being opened. Some guests of honor may choose to eschew this tradition. But if the day includes a traditional gift opening, give it your full attention.
— Be social. Make conversation with those around you. Showers are a good time to get to know other people who love the guest of honor as much as you do.
— Say thank you. Say “thank you” to the host when you leave. This is also a good time to say “congratulations” yet again.
What not to say
Wedding showers are one of the more intimate pre-wedding events. Your inclusion shows your importance to the couple. As long as you avoid these topics, you’ll honor that closeness.
“Are you stressed about the wedding?”
Why it doesn't work: Wedding planning is stressful, and the likely answer to this question is “yes.” But the guest of honor probably doesn’t want to reflect on negative feelings during their shower. No one wants to be reminded of their to-do list at a party.
“Do you get along with your in-laws?”
Why it doesn't work: Bridal showers were traditionally held by the bride’s family, but members of the marrying couple’s family on both sides are invited. This could be an awkward question if there is friction between any combination of members of the two families. To facilitate an honest conversation, it is best to ask this kind of question when you couldn’t accidentally be overheard and not at a party.
“I hate all this traditional stuff.”
Why it doesn't work: Bridal showers, with their female-only guests and love-related games, can feel out-of-date for some. But for others, this is an important moment of bonding and love between the bride and certain members of her life. If you were invited to a traditional bridal shower, this event is likely important to the bride. Think about your loved one and how much you care for them. Communicate that care by showing up with a great attitude.
What to say
Wedding or bridal showers are a more low-key way to mingle before the big day. Make conversation and new friends. When you hit the dance floor at the reception, those you met at the shower will be partying alongside you. Here is a list of safe conversation topics for the shower.
— The couple or, if at a bridal shower, the bride. If you are at a wedding shower, it is a time to celebrate both members of the couple. But if you’re at a bridal shower, the bride is the star of the show. Talk her up! If you’re at a wedding shower, talk about the couple. What do you love about them? How do you know them? What’s your favorite story that’s appropriate for the mid-afternoon?
— Shared history. You likely have history in common with those around you because of your connection to the marrying couple. Learn about the ways you connect with others.
— Pop culture. Do you have a movie you’ve watched recently that you enjoyed? What are you reading? What podcasts do you love? Talk up your interests and you may find someone else at the party who is interested in the same.
— The party. The event you are at is always a good topic of conversation. Give some compliments about the party. This is especially important if you are talking to the host or the parents of the marrying couple.
The gut check
The bridal or wedding shower is about the guest (or guests) of honor. Celebrate the guest(s) of honor. Show up with a gift and a smile. Be prepared to have some silly fun. Pay attention, if there is the traditional gift-opening. Thank the host, say “hi” to the family and make small talk.
Checklist
✔ RSVP
✔ Let the host know dietary restrictions in advance
✔ Grab a gift
✔ Follow the dress code
✔ Don’t wear white
✔ Congratulate the guest of honor
✔ Compliment the party
✔ Be prepared to have fun
✔ If drinking, don’t overdo it
✔ Pay attention during gift opening
✔ Introduce yourself to others
✔ Thank the host for their hard work