Social Customs: Christening/Baptism
Christenings are a time to welcome a child into a faith community.
Christenings are a time to welcome a child into a faith community.
Christenings are a time to welcome a child into a faith community.
What we'll cover
Christenings, also called baptisms, are a Christian rite marking a child’s induction into the faith. Infant christenings, which is what this article will focus on, are performed by some Christian denominations, including Roman Catholics, Anglicans, Orthodox Christians and others.
In this “Social Customs” guide, we’ll give you a brief overview of christenings, what to do when attending one, and what to say and not to say.
A brief overview
Baptism is a rite in almost all Christian religions, but infant baptisms are unique to certain Christian denominations. Members of Baptist, Pentecostal, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and others, however, only perform baptisms on adults and children old enough to profess their faith.
Christening, as a term, typically only refers to infant baptism. Christening includes baptismal, naming and communal rites. At a christening, a priest or pastor typically pours water on the infant’s head, initiating the child into the Christian faith. The priest or pastor will also announce the child’s name to the congregation and may introduce godparents as well. Godparents are intended to guide a child’s lifelong faith journey.
What to do
Christenings or baptisms are a time to welcome a child not only into the world, but into their faith and their larger faith community. It is a way to acknowledge a child as part of a community.
— Wait for an invite. People may not send out formal christening invitations. If they do, RSVP. If they do not, however, you’ll still want to wait to hear that your presence is desired. Let the host know if you can attend. Christenings are intimate events, and the parents of the baptized infant will likely let you know if they want you there.
— Dress modestly. Christenings and baptisms always occur in a house of worship. Wear something appropriate for the venue. Dress in something that would be appropriate in an office setting, like a suit-and-tie, knee-length dress or nice slacks and top.
— Don’t worry about faith differences. If you’ve been invited to a christening in a faith different from your own, never fear. Christenings are for everyone. Behave respectfully, and you’ll sail through the event.
— Bring a gift. Unless otherwise indicated, most christenings are gift-giving occasions. Christening gifts are for the infant. Religious-themed or keepsake gifts are appropriate.
— Congratulate the parents. Congratulate the parents on the occasion. The infant is, of course, the guest of honor, but direct your congratulations to the parents.
— Congratulate the godparents. Godparents should hold a special place in the life of a child who has been christened. Share congratulations with the new godparents on this big step.
— Compliment the christening outfit. Children or infants who are being baptized typically wear a special outfit for the occasion. This may even be a keepsake outfit, in the case of an infant’s baptismal gown. Be sure to share your compliments for their Sunday best.
— Don’t expect a meal. When you are invited, the host will likely indicate if there is going to be food or drinks after the service. If there are, food will likely be light. It could also be that the event ends at the church door. Be prepared for either possibility.
— Thank the hosts. Follow up in the days after the christening to let the parents know that you were pleased to be invited.
What not to say
Baptisms and christenings usher a child into a faith community. Be sure to be respectful and keep away from saying any of the following.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this.”
Why it doesn't work: You may have religious or theological differences with your loved one, but now is not the time to bring them up. Thank them for your invitation and congratulate them on the event, rather than starting a fight.
“I can’t believe you didn’t pick me to be the godparent.”
Why it doesn't work: It can be disappointing to not be named godparent, especially to a child with whom you are close. However, this isn’t the venue to air that disappointment. If you need to discuss this with your loved one, do so at a different time.
“I brought my sister, Jessica.”
Why it doesn't work: If a plus-one is not indicated on your invitation, do not bring one. Christenings are often small events and you should only bring guests who were explicitly invited.
“No, it was… nice.”
Why it doesn't work: Give your enthusiastic support to those at the event. Maybe the baby screamed the entire time and the priest said the last name wrong. Still, put on a smile and share your biggest “Congratulations!”
“Can I be the godparent to the next kid?”
Why it doesn't work: Now isn’t the time to start theorizing about your loved one’s future children. Let this child be the focus of the event. Don’t jump the gun and start planning the next baptism.
What to say
Christenings are often intimate events, typically for family and close friends. It is likely that you will know many of the guests. But if you do not, here are some reliable topics of conversation.
— The child. Discussing the baby at the center of the event is always a good go-to conversational topic. Do you have any cute pictures or stories to share? Children and babies often don special christening outfits for the event. Share your compliments and love for the guest of honor.
— The ceremony. Even if you have never attended a christening before, the ceremony is a good topic of conversation. What did you expect? What happened that you didn’t expect? Discussing the ceremony respectfully and positively is a good conversational fallback.
— The parents and godparents. Sharing your favorite stories of the parents and new godparents is always appropriate. Remember: you are in (or just left) a house of worship, so keep your stories G-rated. Share compliments about the ones you love.
The gut check
Christenings are a time to celebrate a child’s inclusion into an entire community. Wait for an invite, and RSVP when you get one. Dress modestly and don’t worry if you aren’t a member of the faith. Bring a gift. Remember to congratulate the parents and godparents on this big life event.
Checklist
✔ Wait to get an invitation before you make plans to be there
✔ RSVP if you get a verbal or written invitation
✔ Dress appropriately for a house of worship
✔ Behave respectfully and don’t get caught up on religious differences
✔ Bring a gift
✔ Congratulate the parents and godparents
✔ Compliment the newly baptized’s outfit
✔ Don’t expect to eat a full meal
✔ Say “thank you” to the host, after the event