Social Customs: Class Reunions
You didn’t invent Post-it notes, but that’s okay.
You didn’t invent Post-it notes, but that’s okay.
You didn’t invent Post-it notes, but that’s okay.
What we'll cover
Class reunions—getting together with old schoolmates five, ten or twenty years out from graduation—are a source of anticipation and anxiety. Reunions have been the centerpiece of several movies and TV shows, like The Afterparty, Romy & Michele’s High School Reunion and Grosse Pointe Blank. But how do you behave at a real, not fictional reunion?
In this “Social Customs” article, we’ll cover a brief history of reunions and provide tips and tricks on how best to weather yours.
An overview of reunions
There isn’t a solid history of class reunions, but the tradition is older than you may think. A century before Romy and Michele ever claimed to have invented Post-it notes, people were meeting up with old classmates. Princeton University in New Jersey held reunions as far back as 1820.
It’s not wonder that class reunions feature heavily in TV and movies. People feel, understandably, a fair amount of anxiety showing their “new” self to old classmates. And that anxiety is at the center of much class reunion-related media. Reunions are a time where, inevitably, we’re forced to consider who we were in the past. Reunions can cause many complicated feelings.
What to do
Class reunions can be stressful. Utilize this list to help lower your anxiety when you plan to attend your class reunion.
— RSVP. Reunions are usually organized by volunteers from your class. RSVPing early will help them secure a headcount and cut down on planning headaches.
— Don’t complain about the price. Class reunions can be complicated or simple, but there will likely be some cost involved. Whether it is a $20 cover for an open bar or something more costly, keep your concerns about price to yourself. Don’t talk about the price at the event.
— Dress like and for yourself. Wear something that makes you feel comfortable and confident. Now isn’t the time to revamp your look or attempt something new. Wear something that makes you feel like yourself, so you won’t think about what you’re wearing all night.
— Wear a nametag. It is unlikely you’ll remember the names of everyone you went to school with and vice versa. Remember to put on a nametag and don’t be afraid to make good use of them when talking to others.
— Bring a plus one, if you can. Bringing a plus one, like your partner or best friend, can be a good way to ameliorate some of the tension of a reunion. If plus ones are allowed, bring one. A plus one can be a good source of comfort, even when you’re anxious.
— Be honest and confident. Now isn’t the time to downplay your accomplishments. Be honest about what you’re doing in your life, but also be confident about it. Don’t lie or overinflate your accomplishments, but don’t push them under the rug either.
— Mingle. It may be tempting to only talk to some of your old classmates, but take time to talk to everyone. Learn who your classmates are now rather than judging them on how they used to be.
— Avoid conflict. Now isn’t the time to rehash old arguments or open old wounds. Be polite and make pleasant conversation. Leave past arguments in the past. Or, at least, put them aside for the evening.
— Don’t make assumptions. Social media can have us believe we know everything going on in someone’s life. Don’t make assumptions based on rumors you’ve heard or posts you’ve seen. Let people tell you who they are, rather than making assumptions.
— Drink in moderation. If you’re consuming alcohol, keep moderation in mind. You don’t want to make the wrong impression on your classmates or embarrass yourself. Don’t overindulge.
— Thank the hosts. Organizing a reunion is a big (and often thankless) job. Remember to thank the hosts for organizing such a fantastic event.
What not to say
Class reunions can be fraught, if you let them. Don’t air old grievances and avoid creating new tensions. Here are some things you shouldn’t say.
"I thought you were married to Joe!"
Why it doesn't work: Especially with the internet at our disposal, it can be easy to think you know everything about someone’s life. But avoid bringing up what you think you know or you heard through the grapevine about an old classmate. If they want you to know something, they’ll tell you.
"You used to be such a busybody!/Remember that time you got so drunk after prom?"
Why it doesn't work: Instead of talking about how someone used to be, discuss their life with them now. You don’t want someone bringing up all your most embarrassing moments from the past or your negative past behavior. Don’t bring up someone else’s.
"You can tell me. We used to be best friends."
Why it doesn't work: Even if you were best friends in the past, if you haven’t kept in touch, it is best not to assume you’ll have the same level of intimacy that you once did. Be polite, kind and don’t assume relationships will pick up right where they left off.
"How much money do you make?"
Why it doesn't work: Don’t ask overly personal questions. Keep your conversation polite, as you would at a work party or dinner. Avoid intrusive or prying questions.
"We all thought you’d be president by now."
Why it doesn't work: Statements like this can make it sound like someone has fallen short in your eyes. Instead of commenting on how you thought someone would be, talk to them about how they are now.
"Me? I’m not doing anything. I got divorced last year and everything just fell apart."
Why it doesn't work: Share your accomplishments with your classmates, rather than your hurdles. Sharing heavy personal information with acquaintances and relative strangers may be a lot for someone to digest.
What to say
It can be hard to know what to say at any social function, but this is especially true of class reunions. Balancing what you used to know of someone with what you’re learning now can be a difficult task. These all-purpose conversation starters are always a good point of conversation.
— The party. Complimenting the party (especially to the hosts) is always a good topic of conversation. Discussing the decor, food and drinks is always safe, so long as you keep it complimentary.
— Pop culture. Talking about pop culture—your favorite movies, TV shows, books, etc.—is a good way to bring people together. Find other fans of The Bear or someone as excited for the upcoming Mission Impossible movie as you.
— Home life. Talking about your home life is a great topic of conversation at a reunion. Who has kids? Who has a new dog? Share pictures and catch up about what you did five, ten or twenty years out from your graduation. Keep it light and share the highlights (not lowlights) of your adult life.
The gut check
Ace your class reunion by treating everyone like a fresh slate. RSVP and don’t complain about the cost. Dress nicely, but save the makeover for another day. Bring a plus-one if you can and keep conversation light. Don’t forget to thank your hosts.
Checklist
✔ RSVP
✔ Keep complaints to yourself
✔ Wear a nametag (and read the nametags of others)
✔ Dress like yourself
✔ Bring a plus one, if allowed
✔ Be honest (but confident!) about your current life
✔ Mingle
✔ Leave grudges behind
✔ Remember: Instagram is not real life
✔ Drink in moderation, if consuming alcohol
✔ Thank the hosts for the great time