Social Customs: Family Reunions
Strengthen familial bonds and learn more about where you came from.
Strengthen familial bonds and learn more about where you came from.
Strengthen familial bonds and learn more about where you came from.
What we'll cover
Family reunions are a time for family members from across the country (and the world!) to come together and celebrate their familial bonds. It is a time to see relatives you never get to see and to deepen your relationships with those you love.
In this “Social Customs” guide, we’ll give you the history of family reunions, what to do when attending one and what to avoid.
History of family reunions
Family reunions are celebrated by all different types of Americans, but they’re especially popular in the Black American community. With the passing of the Thirteenth Amendment, which prohibited slavery in America (except in cases of imprisonment), Black Americans began to search for family members.
Formerly enslaved people, who may have been sold away from their own families, used word of mouth and newspaper advertisements to find one another. This search continued far beyond the passing of the Thirteenth Amendment. The 1976 novel Roots: The Saga of an American Family and its screen adaptations, with their focus on family history, reignited a desire to find lost family members. With new tools like genealogy databases and DNA tests, Black Americans continue to reunite with lost family members and attempt to fill in family histories shattered by the legacy of slavery.
All of this has made family reunions an especially important part of the Black American experience. According to public health expert Sula Hood, Ph.D., MPH, more African Americans attend family reunions than any other racial group.
What to do
Family reunions are a time to celebrate one another. They’re also often filled with a lot of organized fun, like games. Come prepared to play and be silly with those you love.
— RSVP. Family reunions are typically huge undertakings. They often take place at a destination, rather than at someone’s house. RSVPing far in advance is very important to the person planning.
— Share food allergies, if you have them. If you have food allergies or requirements, share them with the host far in advance. They’re organizing food for many people and may need a long lead time to make sure you have something to eat.
— Read the invitation. Family reunions are a lot of effort. You may be required to give a T-shirt size (if your family is making matching shirts) or bring some food or other items. Read the invitation closely and make sure you follow up on every request the host makes.
— Be mindful of the weather. Most family reunions take place during the summer months. Check the weather of your reunion destination and pack appropriately. Bring sunscreen if you need it. You don’t want to get caught without the right gear.
— Bring some nostalgia to share. Family reunions are a great time to bust out your favorite childhood photos of a loved one. Bring some sentimental items to share with the group. Family members will be delighted by that picture of when your cousin lost his first tooth.
— Wear the T-shirt. If your family has agreed upon a shared T-shirt design or a funny hat, it is your responsibility to play along. Don any matching clothing or accessory with pride and good humor.
— Help out. For the host, planning and making the family reunion happen can feel like a second job. Ask if you can help out. Set up chairs, help elderly relatives navigate (especially if the event is outside) and be a generally helpful participant.
— Participate in the activities. Family reunions are typically filled with organized fun, like group games and shared outdoor fun. Get your game face on and prepare to have fun.
— Talk to everyone. It may be tempting to monopolize your favorite relative for the entirety of the event, but it is important to talk to everyone at a family reunion. Make sure to greet and spend time with as many relatives as you can, rather than sticking with just one or two.
— Learn some family history. Family reunions are a great way to get to know (and record) your family history. Spend some time talking to the eldest members of your family and learn about their life. Learning your family history can help you feel more connected to those you love.
— Thank the host—twice. The host has put on a huge event. Be sure to thank them when you are at the event. Later, follow up with a thank you note or gift to show your appreciation for all the work they did.
What not to say
Family reunions are fun, but they can also be overwhelming. With so many different family members coming together, tensions can be high. Here are some things to avoid saying.
“I have a bone to pick with you.”
Why it doesn't work: Leave any family fights behind for the sake of the family reunion. Now isn’t the time to restart or start arguments. If you have issues with a family member, be prepared to make polite conversation instead. Save the arguments for another day.
“This isn’t fun./Last year was better.”
Why it doesn't work: Organizing a family reunion is a huge undertaking, closer to planning a wedding than organizing a small family dinner. If you have complaints or criticisms, keep them to yourself. You don’t want to hurt the host’s feelings.
“Yeah, Aunt Tammy. You told us that already.”
Why it doesn't work: Family reunions are a time to see relatives who you may not see often. Be patient with their quirks. This means listening, even when your aunt is telling the same story for the 50th time.
“I just want to hang with my cousins.”
Why it doesn't work: At family reunions, the most important aspect is greeting and talking to all of your family members. Don’t hide away with just one or two. Speak to everyone there, at least for a quick conversation.
“I’m just sitting the games out.”
Why it doesn't work: Family reunions are about togetherness. It is important (if you can) to participate in the group activities. Bonding with your family is the purpose of this event. By sitting out of important bonding activities, you’re signaling to your other family members that you don’t care about them.
What to say
Family reunions are a great time to learn new things about your relatives and come to a better understanding of what it means to be part of your extended clan. Try these topics.
— Family history. Family history is a great topic to discuss at a family reunion. Learn about your great-grandmother’s past working in a munitions factory during World War II or the time your cousin Sherry went on a wacky vacation that culminated in her meeting Cher. By learning your family’s history, you’ll feel closer to your family members.
— Family news. Jenny is getting married and Bernard got a degree in physics. Find out the good family news going on in the lives of your extended family members. This is a time to catch up on all you missed.
— Current interests. Ask your cousins, uncles and aunts what they’re currently enjoying. By learning the interests of your family members, you create new avenues for connection. You’ll also have gift ideas for when the holidays roll around. (You can even mark down gift ideas in our app!)
The gut check
Family reunions are about closeness, bonding and reconnection. RSVP far in advance, and make sure you fully read the invitation. Participate fully—play the games, help out elderly relatives and learn family history. Talk to everyone. Remember to thank the host, more than once.
Checklist
✔ RSVP
✔ Share any food allergies or dietary requirements
✔ Read the invitation and make sure to follow it
✔ Pack for the weather
✔ Bring family photos and other mementos you want to share
✔ If your family has created a matching T-shirt, wear it
✔ Help out, especially with elderly relatives
✔ Participate in all the activities
✔ Talk to everyone
✔ Take time to learn family history
✔ Thank the host and follow up with a note or gift