Social Customs: Flowers

What we'll cover

Flowers are a time-honored gift for a variety of occasions. They’re often given for birthdays, on holidays or “just because.” But how do you know what to give? And when is a floral arrangement an acceptable gift?

In this “Social Customs” guide, we’ll give you a brief overview on flowers, what to do when giving flowers and what to avoid.

Flowers: why, how and when

Why?

According to a 2016 poll from the Society of American Florists, a trade association, 65% of Americans reported they feel special when they receive flowers. These poll numbers bear out in research as well.

In a 2005 Rutgers University study, researchers presented flowers to men and women. They concluded those who received flowers were happier than those who did not. Additionally, elderly participants who received flowers scored higher on memory tests than their no-flower counterparts.

How?

Flowers can be intimidating. What flowers are appropriate? Are there flowers that are inappropriate? In the 1800s, flowers carried different meanings. The 1856 book The Illustrated Language of Flowers is testament to that. But these days, floral language has died off and it is better to trust your gut.

Consider the recipient when purchasing. If your loved one loves the color pink, consider an all-pink bouquet. If your loved one is an eco-minded person, perhaps they would like an in-season plant native to the area. If your loved one has a favorite flower, it is always appropriate to give them that.

When?

Flowers are a generally good, all-purpose gift. They can be used to say thank you or get well. They are a good gift for graduations, birthdays, anniversaries, new jobs, promotions, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day and other occasions.

Flowers are often given to the loved ones of the recently departed. During Victorian funeral customs, flowers were a way for mourners to share a physical representation of their love. Flowers may not be appropriate for all funerals. Many families ask for donations to be given on behalf of the departed, rather than flowers. Flowers are also not appropriate at Jewish funerals. For those sitting shiva, food is an appropriate gift.

You know your loved one and their specific circumstance best. Be sure to keep them in mind when picking a gift.

What to do

Flowers are a good gift to purchase, and intrepid or budget-conscious gift givers may endeavor to make their own floral arrangements. Whether buying or creating, these tips will help you out.

— Be confident. Flowers are usually appreciated, as science shows. Remember, you know your loved one and their tastes. Feel confident when purchasing or creating a lovely arrangement for your recipient. If you don’t feel confident, do some research on flowers. Resources like the Garden Learning Library from The National Garden Association or the book On Flowers: Lessons from an Accidental Florist by Amy Merrick are good places to start.

— Be aware of context. Flowers are a good gift, but you know your loved one best. Consider their circumstances before you purchase or put together any floral arrangements. If you are unsure if flowers would be appreciated, ask someone close to the intended recipient.

— Be aware of cultural context. If you are not sure that flowers would be appreciated, ask someone of the same cultural context as the intended recipient. For example, if you are attending a Jewish funeral, you may want to ask someone of that faith what is the best gift in lieu of flowers. They will have the best information on whether flowers are an appropriate gift.

— Call, if purchasing. If purchasing flowers, it is best to find a local florist, with a physical address, and call to pick the most personalized arrangement. If you do not feel comfortable calling, many florists have online ordering systems with offers of certain floral displays and a comment box, where you can leave notes about modifications. But if you want something totally custom, calling is your best bet.

— Consider the season. Whether buying or arranging them yourself, in-season flowers are likely to be fresher than out-of-season ones.

— Consider pets. Many plants are toxic to household pets, such as dogs and cats. If you’re sending flowers to a pet-owning loved one, the ASPCA has a list of toxic plants. Avoid gifting them.

What not to do

The biggest mistake you can make when buying flowers is ignoring the preferences of your intended recipient or the context of the situation. For example, if your loved one hates roses, they’d make a poor gift. Flowers are a great host gift, but some flowers, such as pollen-filled chrysanthemums and asters, shouldn’t be given to seasonal allergy sufferers.

The gut check

Trust your gut when choosing flowers. Keep any cultural rules in mind. Don’t give flowers to people who don’t want them. If you’re purchasing flowers, call a local florist for the most personalized options. Buy in-season for the freshest flowers. Avoid plants that will harm your loved one or their pet.