Social Customs: Going Away Party
How to say "good-bye" with panache
How to say “good-bye” with panache
How to say “good-bye” with panache
What we'll cover
Going away parties are celebrated whenever someone is making a large life change that involves leaving a place or life stage. Moving to a new city or getting a new job may often lead to a going away party. This bittersweet party is a time to celebrate the new chapter of your friend or loved one’s life and reflect on where they have been.
In this “Social Customs” guide, we’ll cover the varieties of going away parties. We’ll also tell you what to do and what not to do if you are invited to such an event.
Throwing a going away party
Going away parties run the gamut from the very casual to the very formal. For example, if the guest of honor is leaving a large organization, the going away party may be more formal. In this instance, you may receive an invitation weeks in advance. The party may include a dress code, an upscale location and a variety of finger foods.
However, a going away party can be as informal as saying, “I’m at our local bar from 4 p.m. to 12 a.m. Stop by to say farewell before I leave.” This sort of low-key occasion is unlikely to include a formal invitation or a dress code.
Some sticklers may frown at people throwing their own going away parties rather than someone else throwing it for them. But, typically, there is no standard etiquette on who is allowed to throw a going away bash.
What to do
Going away parties are a bittersweet occasion, full of complicated feelings. Guests are celebrating their loved one’s new life stage while acknowledging the sadness of them leaving. The tips below are intended to help you navigate this occasion, but may differ depending on the party’s level of formality.
- RSVP, if necessary. If you were sent an invitation, it is important to RSVP as soon as you can. RSVPing in advance helps the host determine the headcount of attendees and food and drink requirements.
- Mark the date. Mark the date of the going away party in Thoughtful. You can reach out next year and see how far your loved one has come.
- Follow the dress code. Whether it is a low-key hang at a bar or a gala in a ballroom, it is important to dress for the occasion. Wear your best outfit to match the event.
- Don't expect dinner. Unless the invitation says otherwise, don’t expect a sit-down dinner at a going away party. Food, if available, may be more finger food or appetizers than a full meal.
- Gifts are not required. Gifts are not necessary for going away parties. Presents are expected at similar events, such as graduation parties, but going away parties don’t typically include a gifting component.
- Bring your favorite memories. Going away parties are a time to share your favorite memories of the guest of honor. Be prepared to share and reflect on the best times you’ve had together.
- Drink in moderation. Alcohol is often present at going away parties. If drinking, do so moderately so you don’t pull focus from the guest of honor.
- Mingle. Going away parties may include people from across the spectrum of the guest of honor’s life. There will likely be many people you do not know at the event. Be prepared to make conversation with new people rather than monopolizing the guest of honor’s time.
- Participate in events. Like bridal and baby showers, going away parties may feature a theme or games. Be prepared to engage in the fun. Organized games can be a good way to break the ice between people from disparate parts of your loved one’s life.
- Give your well wishes to the guest of honor. The guest of honor is making a huge life change. Before you leave the event, make sure to wish them well in their next adventure. Let them know how you feel about them and their exciting future.
- Thank the host. If the host and the guest of honor are not one in the same, be sure to thank the host before you leave. Thank them for organizing such a wonderful party.
- Follow up for updated contact information. In the weeks to come, make sure to follow up with your loved one to get their up-to-date contact information, including any new addresses.
What not to say
Going away parties can be difficult for guests and the honoree. Moving on from a job or moving to a new city can cause a host of emotions. Keep things light at the party by avoiding these conversation starters.
"Phil shouldn't move. He's making a big mistake."
Why it doesn't work: You may feel sad, angry or frustrated that your loved one is moving away. You may genuinely feel like they are making a mistake. But now is not the time to bring it up. Instead, tap into your positive feelings about the big life change. Now is the time to celebrate the honoree.
"“I don’t really know Jessica well. I just started at this job a week ago.”
Why it doesn’t work: Attendees can come from all walks of life. This may sometimes include people who do not know the guest of honor very well. For example, if the going away party is for someone at their place of employment, there may be a mix of people—some of whom are very close to the guest of honor and others who have a more distant relationship. If you are not close with the guest of honor, you don’t need to draw attention to it. Make polite conversation and an early exit.
“I heard they’re leaving the job because of some drama.”
Why it doesn’t work: With work-related going away parties, it may be tempting to engage in office gossip. But this type of interaction never works out well. And, at a party celebrating the person leaving, rumors are likely to get back to them. Instead of presuming or spreading rumors, ask questions and be curious.
“I’ll really miss you. You always made me look great at this job. Who am I going to be better than now?”
Why it doesn’t work: Gentle ribbing can often come off as abrupt or mean during a highly emotional event like a going away party. Don’t be afraid to be sincere. Let your friend, co-worker or loved one know what they mean to you rather than relying on sarcasm and jokes.
"We all thought you’d be president by now."
Why it doesn't work: Statements like this can make it sound like someone has fallen short in your eyes. Instead of commenting on how you thought someone would be, talk to them about how they are now.
“Let me tell you about the wild weekend I had with Dennis!”
Why it doesn’t work: Sharing what you love (and your favorite memories) of the guest of honor is a good move at a going away party. But make sure that your recollections are appropriate for the context. For example, if you are at a going away party full of your loved one’s professional connections, stories of your wildest party days may not be appropriate.
What to say
Going away parties are a good time to meet and interact with other people who know and care about your loved one. You may not know everyone at the party, but you can fall back on these conversation topics if you’re not sure what to say.
— The guest of honor. Sharing how you know the guest of honor is always a good way to kick off conversation. Let other guests fill you in on the side of your friend or loved one that they know. Let them know how you fit into the tapestry of your loved one’s life.
— The event. If you are at a more formal or organized event, it is always good to compliment the event. Note the drinks, food, decor and other aspects of the party that you enjoyed.
— Pop culture and hobbies. Pop culture—like movies and TV, or hobbies like sports and crafting—is always a good fallback topic of conversation at a party. What are you watching? What are the other guests watching? What is your favorite weekend activity? Connect with others about the things you like to do and see.
The gut check
Going away parties can be emotional events. Be prepared to acknowledge your different emotions. RSVP, if you need to, and dress to fit the event. Participate, mingle and share your favorite memories. Mark the date of your loved one’s move and give them your best wishes. Thank the host.
Checklist
✔ RSVP, if needed
✔ Dress for the event
✔ Don’t expect a sit-down dinner, unless otherwise noted
✔ Gifts aren’t required
✔ Share your favorite memories
✔ Drink in moderation
✔ Mingle with your fellow guests
✔ If there are organized events, participate
✔ Mark the date
✔ Share your well wishes to the person departing
✔ Thank the host
✔ Follow up in the coming weeks to get updated contact information