Social Map: Cultivator to Seeker
An appreciation for depth and quality time makes for a strong connection between these two.
An appreciation for depth and quality time makes for a strong connection between these two.
Unlike other Connection Styles, Cultivators and Seekers have many things in common, including an interest in deep conversation and a belief in quality time. But what are some of the challenges these two may face?
In this Cultivator to Seeker social map, we’ll highlight the strengths and hurdles Cultivators may face in connection with Seekers as well as best practices for conversations and interactions.
Summary
It is easy to see why Cultivators and Seekers make for a strong relationship. An appreciation for depth in their connections to other people means Cultivators and Seekers will put in the time, energy and dedication to make their friendship work. Cultivators, especially, will benefit from the Seeker’s desire for vulnerability in their connection. Seekers see Cultivators in a way that other Connection Styles may not.
And this sort of commitment will apply regardless of whether a Cultivator is friends with a Seeker at work, connected to them through family or even in a romantic relationship. But that doesn’t mean these two won’t face challenges.
The Cultivator and the Seeker’s sense of security may be threatened if the Seeker introduces the Cultivator to new situations or people that makes them uncomfortable. Although Cultivators and Seekers share many similarities, the Seeker's desire for newness—with acquaintances, with experiences—clashes with the Cultivator’s desire for a smaller social circle and a quieter life.
Cultivators can smooth over uncomfortable feelings by speaking up. Although sharing their feelings is not common for Cultivators, the deep trust of their relationship to Seekers means the Cultivator’s honesty will be embraced and appreciated.
Strengths and Hurdles
Strengths
— Seekers and Cultivators both want whole-person relationships. Cultivators, who tend to pour into other people, will appreciate a relationship with the Seeker, who is attuned to their own as well as other people’s feelings. Seekers are willing and eager to take on the burdens, frustrations and rich interiority of a Cultivator.
— Cultivators can provide a sense of security to Seekers, who may dwell on the little things in their relationships with other people.
Hurdles
— Cultivators prefer a quieter social life, something that may clash with the adventurous and curiosity-driven Seeker.
— Seekers like to go deep—maybe deeper than a Cultivator is used to or appreciates.
What to Do
Speak up.
Why it works: This applies in a number of ways. For one, Seekers are great connections to maintain. Cultivators often pour more into other people than themselves. The Seeker will recognize this, assessing the Cultivator’s needs and making sure they are heard. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and express how you’re feeling.
Speaking up will also be beneficial if conflict arises in your relationship with the Seeker. If a boundary was violated, let the Seeker know. They will appreciate the honesty and want to do better.
What to Say
“I love our friendship, but [experience] made me feel [feeling].”
Why it works: This statement reassures the Seeker of the strength of their relationship with a Cultivator, while also giving Cultivators room to express their feelings. Your mutual appreciation for care and depth can weather this level of vulnerability and honesty. Addressing conflict head-on will be appreciated by both Connection Styles.
Recommendations
“How to Nourish Your Friendships”: Making friends is difficult, and knowing how to nourish those friendships is an additional challenge.
“Love Languages: Quality Time”: When you want to show someone you care, how you show it can make all the difference.
“How to be Vulnerable”: Being vulnerable can help you form deeper and more long-lasting relationships with others.