Social Map: Seeker to Cultivator
A relationship of depth and care is inevitable between these two Connection Styles.
A relationship of depth and care is inevitable between these two Connection Styles.
Seekers and Cultivators can develop one of the richest relationships among the Connection Styles. But what are some of the challenges these two may face?
In this Seeker to Cultivator social map, we’ll highlight the strengths and hurdles Seekers may face in connection with Cultivators as well as best practices for conversations and interactions.
Summary
Few relationships are as solid as the one between a Seeker and a Cultivator. Unlike other pairings, Seekers and Cultivators are likely to feel emotionally fulfilled through their connection with each other. Whether they are friends, co-workers, family members or in a romantic relationship, Seekers and Cultivators will feel safety and steadiness in their connection.
For Cultivators, this will be especially important, as the comfort of a Seeker may help them open up and lean into vulnerability in a way that may not manifest with other Connection Styles. Cultivators tend to find it difficult to describe their interiority. The emotional attunement of the Seeker can help unravel the feelings Cultivators may bury. In a way, Seekers “see” Cultivators for who they really are when others do not.
Seekers and Cultivators may hold different personalities or interests, but those differences tend to delight rather than detract these two. Time spent apart has little bearing on the strength of their relationship. That’s because deep trust is the hallmark of their relationship. For Seekers, it is that same trust that gives them the sort of comfort and assurance they may struggle to maintain with other Connection Styles. So long as they prioritize these attributes, their partnership will continue to thrive.
Strengths and Hurdles
Strengths
— Seekers and Cultivators both want whole-person relationships. Cultivators, who tend to pour into other people, will appreciate a relationship with the Seeker, who is attuned to their own as well as other people’s feelings. Seekers are willing and eager to take on the burdens, frustrations and rich interiority of a Cultivator.
— Seekers, who may sometimes dwell on the little things in their relationships, will feel secure in their connection with a Cultivator, who is a reliable friend.
— Seekers are excellent listeners, and their ability to “dig deep” will be beneficial in a relationship with the closed-off Cultivator.
Hurdles
— Seekers are not-so-secret social butterflies. Their interest in discovering new things may come into conflict with Cultivators, who are less interested in acquiring new interests or acquaintances in life.
— The Seeker’s desire to “go deeper” may be difficult for Cultivators to process, especially when they prefer to hide away when conflict arises.
What to Do
Prioritize one-on-one time.
Why it works: The key to maintaining a healthy connection between Seekers and Cultivators is being mindful of who is in the room. While Seekers may love to explore and discover, this adventurous and curious nature may upset the Cultivators in their life. Choose one-on-one time as a way to catch up and deepen the relationship, rather than pushing the Cultivator into uncomfortable experiences.
Respect their boundaries.
Why it works: While Cultivators will certainly appreciate the Seekers ability to get them to open up, they won’t appreciate it when done aggressively or in mixed company. When a Cultivator asks for room to breathe and respect for their boundaries, listen to and do it.
What to Say
“Hey! I noticed you closed up a little bit back there. Is everything alright?”
Why it works: This statement from the Seeker to the Cultivator shows the Seeker is aware of the Cultivator’s feelings or mood and wants to make sure they are okay. Because Cultivators tend to bottle up their emotions, they may not openly express their discomfort over a specific situation or person. A Seeker’s ability to “see” the Cultivator will be greatly appreciated.
Recommendations
“How to Nourish Your Friendships”: Making friends is difficult, and knowing how to nourish those friendships is an additional challenge.
“Love Languages: Quality Time”: When you want to show someone you care, how you show it can make all the difference.
“How to Spread Positivity”: Turbocharge good vibes and increase positivity for yourself and others.