Social Map: Truth Teller to Cultivator
A strong relationship between these two Connection Styles is not as impossible as it may seem.
A strong relationship between these two Connection Styles is not as impossible as it may seem.
Truth Tellers hold little back when conversing with others. Cultivators, on the other hand, are conflict-avoidant. Yet a strong relationship between these two Connection Styles is not as impossible as it may seem.
In this Truth Teller to Cultivator social map, we’ll highlight the strengths and hurdles Truth Tellers may face in connection with Cultivators, as well as best practices for conversations and interactions.
Summary
Can Cultivators accept the blunt communication style of the Truth Teller, even when it differs from their own? Absolutely. One of the things that makes these two Connection Styles click is their ability to see and accept each other. So while a Cultivator may choose a conflict-avoidant approach to life, it doesn’t mean they can’t understand or appreciate the radical honesty of a Truth Teller.
Likewise, the Cultivator’s confidence in themself means they can “take it” from Truth Tellers, even if what the Truth Teller has to say is not particularly pleasant. Cultivators truly choose their people, so Truth Tellers can feel confident knowing a connection with a Cultivator is built on trust in the other person. And Truth Tellers, who may not always be aware of the weight of their words, can learn more about how to tend to their relationships from Cultivators.
But that doesn’t mean everything will be easy. Cultivators and Truth Tellers both have clear boundaries. However, while the Cultivator’s boundaries are kept internally, the Truth Teller’s boundaries are expressed externally. It will be important for Truth Tellers to hone in on the needs of Cultivators, who tend to keep their feelings bottled up, in order to make adjustments to their behavior in case conflict arises. Unlike the Truth Teller, Cultivators will make a clean break rather than try to repair a severely damaged relationship.
Strengths and Hurdles
Strengths
— Truth Tellers and Cultivators can create a mutually beneficial relationship for each other. While Truth Tellers can learn how to better tend to their relationships, Cultivators can learn how to open up through the Truth Teller’s dedication to honesty.
— Truth Tellers and Cultivators truly choose their people. So if each Connection Style has chosen each other, they’ll be all in, despite their faults.
Hurdles
— While Truth Tellers and Cultivators both like to maintain boundaries, they may express them in different ways. It’s important for Truth Tellers to learn the Cultivator’s personal boundaries and respect them, rather than trying to dig in on a point or issue in a way that violates those boundaries.
What to Do
Learn what makes the Cultivator tick.
Why it works: No one Cultivator will be like another. That’s why it’s important for Truth Tellers to learn what matters to the Cultivator in their life. With their tendency to close up rather than express themselves, Truth Tellers may never learn if there is conflict in their connection to a Cultivator.
Discuss conflict as it arises.
Why it works: Both the Truth Teller and the Cultivator may have trouble expressing just how they feel, particularly as it relates to their own feelings. But the Truth Teller’s reliance on honesty means they’ll likely be the one to take the first step. Don’t let potential problems fester. Address them, but be mindful of your word choice.
What to Say
“I know how I feel about this, but I want to hear how you feel.”
Why it works: Rather than leading with your own point of view, use this moment to hear what is going on in the mind of the Cultivator. Cultivators are not used to having the spotlight on them and tend to pour into other people. It may be challenging, but giving them room to speak honestly will make for a richer relationship.
Recommendations
“How to Recover”: Learn how to apologize or seek forgiveness if you’ve said the wrong thing to another person.
“How to Be a Better Listener”: Becoming a better listener requires empathy and active, rather than passive, participation.
“What to Say: Friendship Conflicts”: Disagreements between friends are common, but knowing what to say can be difficult to discern in the moment.