The Good Kind of Fear

Be brave. Do the hard thing and embrace vulnerability. Right now, I'm thinking about friendship. Friendship—the making of it, the sustaining of it—is easy when we are children. As a child, I made friends through circumstance. The daughters of the women my mother went to college with became my confidants. The kids who attended dance classes and story time at the local library branch became my acquaintances. My classmates who sat in the seats next to, in front of and behind me became my pals. Friendship is abundant in youth. But in adulthood, outside of the ease of dorm rooms and social clubs and team sports, making new friends can be difficult. Sometimes it occurs at work, but that’s not a given. And as we grow older, as the complex and frustrating and often beautiful aspects of life permeate our days, nourishing those once-strong connections can feel like a Herculean task. Many people give up, resign themselves to what they’ve always known (even if they’re dissatisfied), but I refuse to do so. I want to cultivate the friendships I’ve always known, and create new ones, too. Having worked as a journalist for more than 10 years, I’ve met people from all walks of life. And while their interests or backgrounds or goals may be different, one thing remains true: there is also an abundance of interesting, caring and warm people eager for deeper connection. Making those connections, however, requires vulnerability.

I want to cultivate the friendships I’ve always known, and create new ones, too.

It requires showing up, even when it is uncomfortable. You have to go to the thing where you may know no one. It requires effort. You have to keep showing up. It requires an earnestness in intent. You have to want to make a connection. It requires sincerity in our actions. You have to reach out to others without pretense, obligation or expectation. It requires openness and honesty. You have to be your true self. And it requires heartfelt, purposeful energy within ourselves and given freely to other people. I say this knowing I’m not perfect and that taking the first step in creating a new friendship is probably the hardest step of all. And yet, I’m willing to try, for the lessons I’ve learned thus far have made my life all the more richer. The friends I’ve made have taught me how to listen to my body. They’ve taught me how to trust and heal my heart. They’ve taught me how to reject insecurity and embrace laughter. They’ve taught me how to push myself for internal growth and external possibilities. They’re still teaching, and I’m still learning. The knowledge we gain from others is enough to brighten even the darkest of days.