The Healer

Chronic illness is a chronic annoyance. But that's something you don't realize until you're in the thick of it, until the illness becomes as familiar to you as your face in the mirror. For me, when my chronic illness began to emerge in 2017, it was the isolation that was most painful to me. Sure, there were times where I was curled up in a ball on my living room floor, unable to move or even think about moving. But it was the loneliness of that time—of being left to my own devices when I could barely move, of needing help, but not knowing where to turn—that really affected me. Months after those symptoms began to emerge, one of my good friends who lived on the other side of the country started returning to town in order to see her family or visit old friends. And when she returned, she usually stayed with me. Distance didn't change our friendship, but it did change her. She became more enlightened, more spiritual, more earnest. And while the cynical part of me didn't know what to make of it at first, another part of me (the more curious part of me) wanted to know more. “Maybe I could help you,” she offered. “What do you mean?” I asked. She was talking about something called Reiki, a spiritual modality where practitioners place their hands on or right above another person to direct energy for healing. It was something I had heard of, but never really experienced. In her new city, she became a Reiki practitioner and wanted to try it on me. By that point, after months of pain, confusion and doubt, I was willing to try anything. And later that night, after we lit the candles and she performed a Reiki session and I reflected on the moment, I did begin to feel better.

Or perhaps, most likely, it was the connection with a friend that gave me comfort, even if it was only for a day or two.

The next day—astounded—I gave her a hug and thanked her. Maybe the power in her was always present, long before she left the city. Maybe she helped unlock some sort of power within me. Or perhaps, most likely, it was the connection with a friend that gave me comfort, even if it was only for a day or two. The Harvard Study of Adult Development says the single greatest determining factor for one's mental and physical health is the strength of their connections. it is something we root our work in here at Thoughtful, and something I personally hold to be true. Reflecting back on those moments (and the later moments of my illness where my loved ones showed up for me), the single greatest determining factor in my own healing was the people in my life. What can you do to show up for someone else? We are often hesitant to do the hard things, but the things that feel hard are often pretty simple in the end. Listen deeply, love fiercely and show up consistently. Your presence, however it manifests, can mean the world to someone else.