What to Say: Covid Diagnosis
A COVID-19 diagnosis is never easy. Stay informed to lend your support.
A COVID-19 diagnosis is never easy. Stay informed to lend support.
Renee Harleston
Reviewer URLA COVID-19 diagnosis is never easy. Stay informed to lend support.
What we’ll cover
COVID-19 continues to spread and mutate globally. And because we are all individuals, our experiences with a COVID-19 diagnosis may vary widely.
In this "What to Say" guide, we'll look at the effects of illness from COVID-19. We’ll also let you know what to say and what not to say to someone who has been recently diagnosed.
What it is
More than 90 million people in the United States have tested positive for COVID-19, according to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Worldwide, that number rises to more than 603 million. Symptoms of COVID-19 include:
— Cough
— Sore throat
— Congestion
— Shortness of breath
— Fever or chills
— Headache
— Loss of taste or smell
Difficult discussions
COVID-19 doesn’t just physically affect someone. According to 2021 research from The Johns Hopkins University, some people experienced anxiety, depression, insomnia and trauma-related stress after a COVID-19 hospitalization.
Medical professionals from the U.S. Government Accountability Office also estimate that 7.7 to 23 million people in the United States currently deal with “long COVID” — new, returning or ongoing health issues that develop or last four or more weeks after initially testing positive.
It makes sense that your loved one might have difficulty discussing their experiences with COVID-19. They may be worried about a potential hospitalization or rehospitalization, long-term effects or concerns about their vaccination status. Your loved one also may not want to worry you.
What not to say
You may feel you are being helpful when offering advice or commenting on a loved one’s experience with COVID-19, but by letting the other person share their own feelings, you can understand how you may best help them. The following are examples of things to avoid when speaking with your loved one.
"At least you’re not in the hospital."
Why it doesn’t work: Any sentence that begins with “At least” can feel belittling to the person receiving it. It may imply to them that someone else always has it worse. Whether your loved one is severely ill or they have mild symptoms, a COVID-19 diagnosis can still cause a lot of distress. This is an unpredictable disease.
"You should read this article."
Why it doesn’t work: There is an abundance of COVID-19 information (and misinformation) out in the world. Your loved one may already feel overwhelmed with all the information available about symptoms and treatment. If you’re tempted to share something you found on the internet, think about what you’re sending and why you’re sending it.
"You shouldn’t have gone to that family gathering."
Why it doesn’t work: How and where someone became sick with COVID-19 can be complicated, and placing blame on them for getting together with other people isn’t going to sound helpful. It may sound accusatory. It also implies it’s their fault they’re sick.
"Have you tried that supplement?"
Why it doesn’t work: When it comes to COVID-19 treatment options, it’s always best for your loved one to talk with their healthcare provider. Supplements aren’t always safe to take, depending on the person. While well-intentioned, leave COVID-19 treatments to professionals.
"I would be so scared if I were you!"
Why it doesn’t work: Shifting the focus to yourself may take away from your loved one’s experience. Words can be powerful. Telling your loved one they should experience a certain emotion doesn’t take into account their feelings. Comments like these are best kept to yourself.
Nothing.
Why it doesn't work: Finding the right words can be difficult for anyone, but that doesn't mean you should neglect to say anything to your friend or loved one. During especially difficult situations, your loved one will appreciate any kind or reflective words you can offer during their time of need. Saying something—with intention and thoughtfulness—is better than saying nothing.
Instead of avoiding a conversation in a fraught moment, try a phrase like, "I can't begin to know what you are going through, but I am here for you." If the moment is more lighthearted or celebratory, a simple, "I am so happy for you right now!" goes a long way.
What to say
While it may be scary to hear that a loved one has a COVID-19 diagnosis, there are some important things you can say and do to show your support for them.
Note: These conversation starters are just suggestions. Each individual’s experience will vary and users should measure their words based on what they know and do not know about their loved one.
"How can I best support you?"
Why it works: When you ask your loved one what they need from you, you aren’t making assumptions. Instead, you are giving them the opportunity to think about what could really help them. You may assume your loved one wants emotional support while they’re recovering in bed, but what they actually may need is someone to deliver them lunch. By simply asking, you’re letting them be in charge of their needs.
"How are you feeling today?"
Why it works: Just like you shouldn’t assume what your loved one needs, you also shouldn’t assume you know how they feel. By asking, “How are you feeling today?” you’re allowing them to open up and share with you their positive or negative experiences and emotions. Even sending a quick text message can help your loved one know you care.
How to recover
You’re human, and you may find yourself making a mistake when supporting your loved one through a COVID-19 diagnosis. If you find you’ve made a blunder or hurt someone because of something you said, acknowledge it and apologize.
Other suggestions
There are plenty of other ways to support your loved one besides knowing what or what not to say. Just letting them know you’re available if they need you—either to talk or help out in a more tangible way—can be helpful to your loved one.
Offer to carry out household tasks. Find out if there is anything you can do to help them manage the household while they’re recovering. Deliver a meal to their front step or drop off a bag of groceries or a care package. Check in frequently. If they feel up for it, have a virtual visit by video chatting or calling them on the phone.