What to Say: Job Loss
Losing a job is a major stressor. Support a loved one during this time.
Losing a job is a major stressor. Support a loved one during this time.
Losing a job is a major stressor. Support a loved one during this time.
What we'll cover
Losing a job is a major life event, one most people aren’t prepared to face. Job loss can cause stress, anxiety and great emotional turmoil.
In this “What to Say” guide, we’ll cover the impact job loss can have on your loved one. You’ll also learn what to say and what to avoid when talking to your loved one who lost a job.
What it is
Job loss creates great uncertainty, and it can be emotionally frightening. Figuring out what to do next and how to move on can be daunting, for example. The effects can be felt particularly hard for people who have families to support, who rely on one income or who don’t have savings built up to cover their expenses.
Even when money is not an issue, losing a job can be traumatic. Jobs can give us a sense of security and routine. They also often make up a large part of our identity. For some, it can feel embarrassing to lose a job.
According to the American Psychological Association, “unemployment is linked to anxiety, depression and loss of life satisfaction, among other negative outcomes.” Job loss is linked to declining mental health. Many people find support in the form of a psychologist or therapist.
The average person spends about one-third of their life working; losing a job is no small event. This can be an extremely emotional event, and your loved one may need space to cry or vent. They might also be struggling with the stress of trying to support their family financially when their stream of income has stopped.
Among other effects, job loss is associated with declines in psychological and physical well-being, social withdrawal and family disruption, according to a manuscript published in the Annual Review of Sociology.
What not to say
Our jobs can be a huge part of our lives. It’s important to know what not to say to someone who loses a job because it may feel like losing a part of themselves. It’s a stressful time full of uncertainty, and saying the wrong thing can make your loved one feel even worse. Here are some things to avoid saying to someone who lost their job.
“Now you can finally relax!”
Why it doesn’t work: Losing a job is anything but relaxing. You may see their job loss as an opportunity to take a break and get some time off, but they probably see it very differently. They are likely scared, anxious and unsettled.
“What are you going to do?”
Why it doesn’t work: They probably don’t have a good answer to this question. It puts the pressure on them to have an immediate answer. More likely than not, they have no idea what they are going to do, and asking them this question just reminds them of that.
“There’s something better out there for you.”
Why it doesn’t work: While this may be true, it’s not an entirely helpful statement. They might have really liked their job, and it might be hard for them to believe there is something better. Or, they might be feeling discouraged and frustrated, unsure when they’ll be able to find a new job, let alone a better one.
“Do you think it’s because you took too many personal days?”
Why it doesn’t work: Statements like this place blame, and that never feels good. They are likely already ruminating on why they lost their job, and they don’t need someone else to remind them of everything they may have done wrong. Also, it’s very possible that they did nothing wrong. This type of comment tends to bring negativity.
“It could be worse.”/“Everything happens for a reason.”
Why it doesn’t work: Lofty generalized statements like this can feel invalidating. Of course it could be worse, but that doesn’t make it easy. We often use cliche statements like these with good intentions, but they are not always received well. When you’re tempted to offer a cliche, stop yourself and try simply listening instead.
Nothing.
Why it doesn't work: Finding the right words can be difficult for anyone, but that doesn't mean you should neglect to say anything to your friend or loved one. During especially difficult situations, your loved one will appreciate any kind or reflective words you can offer during their time of need. Saying something—with intention and thoughtfulness—is better than saying nothing.
Instead of avoiding a conversation in a fraught moment, try a phrase like, "I can't begin to know what you are going through, but I am here for you." If the moment is more lighthearted or celebratory, a simple, "I am so happy for you right now!" goes a long way.
What to say
When you know the right thing to say, you can help your loved one feel better about their situation. Here are some ways you can open up a conversation.
Note: These conversation starters are just suggestions. Each individual’s experience will vary and users should measure their words based on what they know and do not know about their loved one.
“I’m so sorry. How are you doing?”
Why it works: Everyone will have a different response to job loss. This response allows your loved one to tell you how they feel without you making any assumptions about how they should feel. It also gives them an opportunity to talk freely about their struggles without any expectation of being or feeling a certain way.
“This must be so hard for you. Do you want to get together?”
Why it works: This conversation starter validates your loved one’s feelings and provides an opportunity for the two of you to connect deeper. Losing a job can feel lonely, as many people consider their coworkers to be friends. Asking them to get together encourages them to get out of the house and maintain their social connections.
How to recover
Despite your best intentions, sometimes you might say the wrong thing. If you accidentally say something that makes your loved one feel worse, take responsibility and apologize. Avoid making excuses. Then, give them a chance to speak their feelings while you practice listening. Check out our “What to Say: Apologies" and “How to Be a Better Listener” educational guides to learn more about how to recover if you say the wrong thing.
Other suggestions
Your loved one might not feel like talking about their job loss. Don’t press them to talk about it if they don’t want to. Instead, offer support with your actions.
Provide financial assistance where they most need it. This could mean paying their electric bill or car loan for a month. Helen Harris, Ed.D., associate professor in Baylor University’s Diana R. Garland School of Social Work, said in an article for her school that it is important to reach out with concrete help, like meals, supplies, rent and utilities.