What to Say: Natural Disasters
How to support a loved one who has been involved in a natural disaster.
How to support a loved one who has been involved in a natural disaster.
How to support a loved one who has been involved in a natural disaster.
What we'll cover
Grief and trauma after a natural disaster are common, but not often discussed by those experiencing it and those witnessing it. Support from loved ones helps natural disaster survivors avoid feelings of shame around their trauma and validates the enormity of their experience.
In this “What to Say” guide, we’ll provide insight into the rising impact of climate change and common natural disasters, as well as the types of mental health strife, trauma and grief that may occur as a result of a natural disaster in a loved one’s life. We’ll also tell you what you should avoid saying to someone who is experiencing the aftereffects of witnessing a natural disaster so you can support their recovery without adding to their trauma.
What it is
According to the United Nations (U.N.), “climate change refers to long-term shifts in temperatures and weather patterns.” While some shifts are natural, many are now attributed to human behavior from burning fossil fuels including coal, oil and gas. “Burning fossil fuels generates greenhouse gas emissions that act like a blanket wrapped around the Earth, trapping the sun’s heat and raising temperatures,” the U.N. explains.
While rising temperatures are a grave concern, there are other climate change impacts that are just as unsettling. “Because the Earth is a system, where everything is connected, changes in one area can influence changes in all others,” the U.N. shares. “The consequences of climate change now include, among others, intense droughts, water scarcity, severe fires, rising sea levels, flooding, melting polar ice, catastrophic storms, and declining biodiversity.”
Mental health effects
According to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, dangers presented during a natural disaster include death and serious injury, along with the loss of a home, belongings, pets and community. These are stressors that cause physical and emotional health problems in the aftermath of a disaster.
Several risk factors can increase the likelihood of stress reactions to natural disasters. These factors include:
— The severity of exposure to the disaster
— Gender, family and age
— The state of a person’s mental health and self-esteem prior to the disaster
— The amount of experience dealing with disasters
— The number of other stressors a person is dealing with in addition to the disaster
— Bereavement or severe injury to a loved one or self
— Displacement or a significant loss of property
— Low or negative social support
Along with risk factors, there are also resilience factors. The US Department of Veterans Affairs cites those as including:
— Strong social support and connection with others
— Confidence in one’s own ability to cope
— Positive beliefs and hope for the future
— Access to practical resources including a job, money, housing, etc.
What not to say
Healing from an event that disrupts many, if not all, aspects of a loved one’s life is an enormous challenge, but with a strong support system, the endeavor can be a little easier. The following are examples of things to avoid saying to be as supportive as possible during your loved one’s recovery from a natural disaster.
"Tell me what happened."
Why it doesn’t work: It may take a great deal of time for a natural disaster survivor to feel comfortable revisiting their traumatic experience. Rather than asking a loved one to relive their horrifying memories, tell them you’re there for them anytime they’d like to talk about the event or anything else. Leaving the ball in their court gives them a feeling of control at a time when their agency has been limited by the unyielding power of a natural disaster.
"It’s not that big of a deal."
Why it doesn't work: Don’t downplay the enormity of your loved one’s experience. As the person who lived through the event, your loved one’s feelings in the aftermath are valid. Making them feel otherwise can prolong their recovery from the disaster’s residual trauma.
"Everything happens for a reason."
Why it doesn't work: While it’s a noble thought, there’s no real benefit to chalking up the horrific events of a natural disaster as destiny, especially when it comes to a loved one who is scarred from the event. Don’t make them feel that their loss and trauma were necessary to serve some higher power.
"You’ll get over it eventually."
Why it doesn't work: Waving off the event in such a callous manner will make your loved one feel like they’re overreacting, which will prevent them from properly facing the trauma of the situation and recovering from its impacts. All feelings are valid after a life-changing natural disaster experienced first-hand — there is no such thing as overreacting to a catastrophic event.
"I know someone else who experienced this."
Why it doesn't work: Every person’s experience is unique and presents challenges personal to their own life, even when others have experienced the same event. While it may be helpful for your loved one to talk to others who were involved in the same natural disaster in the future, try to keep the focus solely on them and their recovery in the immediate aftermath of the disaster. This will keep them from comparing their trauma processing with others, which could elicit negative feelings if your loved one feels they aren’t healing at a similar pace.
Nothing.
Why it doesn't work: Finding the right words can be difficult for anyone, but that doesn't mean you should neglect to say anything to your friend or loved one. During especially difficult situations, your loved one will appreciate any kind or reflective words you can offer during their time of need. Saying something—with intention and thoughtfulness—is better than saying nothing.
Instead of avoiding a conversation in a fraught moment, try a phrase like, "I can't begin to know what you are going through, but I am here for you." If the moment is more lighthearted or celebratory, a simple, "I am so happy for you right now!" goes a long way.
What to say
Now that we’ve covered the sensitive nature of addressing the traumas faced by natural disaster survivors, here are a few suggestions of helpful things to say to a loved one in your life who has been impacted by a disaster.
Note: These conversation starters are just suggestions. Each individual’s experience will vary and users should measure their words based on what they know and do not know about their loved one.
"You’re not alone — I’m going to help you get through this."
Why it works: After potentially losing other loved ones, a home, and/or belongings in a natural disaster, it’s important for survivors to feel supported by their remaining community. Let them know they aren’t isolated in their grief or experience by explicitly telling them you’re there for them as long as they need support.
"What do you need that I could do for you?"
Why it works: Natural disasters leave unparalleled destruction in their wake, which could leave a survivor with a long to-do list to rebuild their life after the event. Offer to help with the clean-up process, making calls for repairs and insurance claims, gathering material goods to replace lost items, getting and making food, taking care of children in the situation, and anything else that can ease your loved one’s load of stress.
"It was a terrifying situation, your feelings of loss and grief are absolutely valid."
Why it works: Validate your loved one’s feelings of fear, loss, grief and other negative emotions tied to the natural disaster. Letting them know they’re right to feel horrified due to the severity of the event prevents them from dealing with feelings of shame and overreaction as they face their trauma.
How to recover
It’s not uncommon to say the wrong thing when talking about sensitive subjects, including a loved one’s experience in a natural disaster. If you find yourself having said something that makes your loved one uncomfortable, apologizing is paramount. Consider reading our guides on apologies and listening for additional guidance.
Other Suggestions
In the aftermath of a natural disaster, stress and tension are at an all-time high due to the trauma of the experience itself, as well as the number of steps needed to rebuild from the event’s destruction. Helping your loved one relax and decompress is a great way to aid in their recovery. Find ways to get them to laugh and enjoy themselves during the trying time, such as going for a walk, socializing with friends in a laid-back manner, watching a favorite feel-good movie, etc.