What to Say: Promotion
Support your loved ones through the complicated journey of a new job title.
Support your loved ones with a new job title.
Support your loved ones with a new job title.
What we'll cover
The Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) examined LinkedIn profiles and estimated promotions were on the rise in 2021, with employees across the board updating their resumes with shiny new titles. Promotions often mean more money, a new title and more responsibilities. If your loved one received a promotion, we’ll provide information on what to say and avoid saying to not sour the mood in this "What to Say" guide.
What it is
Many career professionals desire to climb the corporate ladder, gaining higher pay grades and better titles. And even without a competitive desire to keep climbing, there are practical reasons to want a promotion. Promotions can mean better pay and result in increased respect in the workplace or more complicated daily tasks.
Employees who receive (or believe they are likely to receive in the near future) promotions report higher job satisfaction. Higher job satisfaction, overall, is correlated with lower employee turnover. And hiring employees costs businesses money. In 2016, SHRM estimated it cost companies $4,129 to hire a new employee, and the overall process took 42 days.
Growing pains
Promotions can mean a whole host of things for the one promoted. Promotions may mean more time at work. A promotion may even require your loved one to obtain extra training. In 2015 alone, U.S. companies spent $160 billion on leadership training.
These new responsibilities may mean new issues, beyond the walls of the cubicle. Your loved one may have less time for domestic tasks. Even in heterosexual couples where both partners work, women field the majority of household labor. This domestic labor imbalance may become more pronounced during a promotion.
Your loved one may not have the same ability to meet up for drinks or dinner. They may be overwhelmed from the new pressures of the job. Overwhelmed people are frequently less focused and oftentimes more reactive. As Alice Boyes writes for Harvard Business Review, “If you feel overwhelmed, you’ve probably got limited emotional energy.”
As your loved one grows into their new position, give them some space and grace. Allow for missed dinners, late texts and a loved one who is a little more frazzled. As we’ve discussed in the past, anecdotally, it takes a month to acclimate to a new role.
What not to say
Promotions at work are both hard to obtain and frequently unrelated to the performance of the employee. They are also fraught with complicated emotions, for the person receiving the promotion and the person hearing about it. In this section, we’ll help you avoid bringing your own feelings into this conversation.
"Well, good luck! When I got a promotion, it made my whole job worse."
Why it doesn’t work: Your friend may have conflicting feelings about their promotion, but as their loved one, you can be the voice of excitement in this moment. When receiving a promotion, your loved one will want to focus on the positives, not a list of the negatives. Don’t bring them down.
"I wish I could get a promotion!"
Why it doesn't work: Getting a promotion is difficult and sometimes unrelated to job performance. However, now is the time to focus on your friend's feelings rather than any frustration you might be feeling about your own career progression.
"How much are you making now?"
Why it doesn't work: Pay transparency is the principle of sharing your salary, in an effort to prevent biased discrepancies in pay. There's a valid set of principles behind such a thing, but now isn't the time to ask that. Let your friend share their salary (or not!) in their own time.
"What's next?"
Why it doesn't work: Let your loved one enjoy this milestone before rushing them on to another! Focus on the now.
"Can you get me a job?"
Why it doesn't work: Starting a new job (or even just an expansion of duties) is a nerve-wracking experience. Don't add to the concerns that your loved one may already be carrying. Allow them to shine in this moment, and leave your own career worries for another time.
What to say
Promotions are complicated. We'll help you support your friend with suggestions of what to say without stressing them out.
Note: These conversation starters are just suggestions. Each individual’s experience will vary and users should measure their words based on what they know and do not know about their loved one.
"Congratulations! How are you feeling about it?"
Why it works: This works because it congratulates the person (it is an achievement, after all) and also allows them space to feel the entire spectrum of their emotions. Open-ended questions allow the person to tell you how they are feeling, rather than you projecting onto them.
"Congratulations! I know you'll do a great job!"
Why it works: In the wake of a promotion, people often feel overwhelmed with their new responsibilities. And the newly promoted may be tasked (implicitly or explicitly) with proving they deserve the pay bump. This congratulatory message lets your loved one know you believe in their ability to do the job.
"Congratulations! Let me know when things have calmed down, and I'll take you to lunch."
Why it works: As we noted in our guide for new jobs, anecdotally, it takes four weeks to become comfortable in a role. This kind of congratulations puts it up front that you don't expect them to come out to dinner that night. You're giving your friend space to get comfortable at work again, while also indicating that you know this is an event to be celebrated.
How to recover
If you've made the wrong move by being overly negative or putting your own career-related feelings first, apologize. It can be hard to discuss careers. Most everyone has a job and, therefore, everyone has complicated job-related feelings. It can be easy to project your own feelings onto someone else’s story. In the future, try to put your friend's feelings first and join the celebratory mood. Don't let your own problems get in the way of your friend's happiness.
Other suggestions
If you are close with your friend, consider getting them a small work-related gift, like a desk calendar or new mug. This commemorative item can sit on their desk and remind them of you during the work day and beyond. This is especially true if you want to celebrate the success of a long-distance loved one. As we wrote in our article on celebrating milestones, a commemorative gift often carries the same weight as a celebration.