What to Say: Work-Life Balance
Support your loved one as they balance the professional and personal aspects of their lives.
Support your loved one as they balance the professional and personal.
Support your loved one as they balance the professional and personal.
What we'll cover
Balancing life’s personal and professional commitments can be tricky, especially when we feel pressure to do and have it all. When a friend is struggling to find that balance, you may feel compelled to help them.
In this “What to Say” guide, we’ll look at what work-life balance is, how someone might struggle to maintain this in their own lives and what you can say to support them.
What it is
In today’s fast-paced world, it can be difficult to balance priorities in our work, family and social lives. We want to earn a promotion at work, maintain a happy family life and stay connected with our social activities. But when a person feels obligated to “do it all,” they may tumble down a slippery slope of stress and burnout.
The pressure to chase professional success can be particularly damaging. In an article for Forbes, journalist and author Deborah Jian Lee says, “the compounding stress from the never-ending workday is damaging. It can hurt relationships, health and overall happiness.” So how can one achieve balance?
In a story for the Harvard Business Review, Ioana Lupu and Mayra Ruiz-Castro say “achieving better balance between professional and personal priorities boils down to a combination of reflexivity — or questioning assumptions to increase self-awareness — and intentional role redefinition.” Although many of us seek professional and personal success, it’s important for these to be intentional and personally significant, rather than fitting a specific mold of society’s expectations.
What not to say
Your loved one’s difficulty maintaining work-life balance is completely understandable. Help them navigate out of this struggle by breaking down societal expectations. As a supportive and understanding friend, you can help them identify their priorities and what aspects of their life may be causing stress. Avoid the following phrases when talking to your loved one.
“You can’t skip out on this event.”
Why it doesn’t work: Your friend may feel pressure to maintain a busy calendar of social activities. However, it’s also important to have alone time to rest and recharge. Instead of perpetuating their “fear of missing out” (FOMO) mentality, why not encourage your friend to clear space in their calendar and explore the “joy of missing out” (JOMO)?
“Instead of constantly trying to keep up with the Jones’, JOMO allows us to be who we are in the present moment, which is the secret to finding happiness,” writes Kristen Fuller, M.D. in Psychology Today.
"You look so tired!"
Why it doesn't work: This comment about your friend’s appearance is hurtful. They’re fully aware they’re tired; they don’t need someone to tell them how exhausted they look. For a better approach, you could help support a healthy sleep routine, like encouraging them to sign off from work emails or wrap up a social activity by a certain time.
"I would feel guilty spending that much time away from my family."
Why it doesn't work: This judgmental comment implies your friend is balancing their work and family the “wrong” way. In reality, many circumstances can impact their family schedule. Don’t enforce your own expectations on how much time they should spend with their family. Instead, listen to them when they talk about their day-to-day life so you may better understand their reality.
"Rise and grind!"
Why it doesn't work: This statement reinforces “hustle culture,” in which we are expected to work all day, every day, with no time for rest or self-care. Hustle culture is a major contributor to workplace stress and, ultimately, burnout. This statement will not help your friend achieve or maintain a healthy and balanced lifestyle. Instead, help them determine what balance they need between work and play.
Nothing.
Why it doesn't work: Finding the right words can be difficult for anyone, but that doesn't mean you should neglect to say anything to your friend or loved one. During especially difficult situations, your loved one will appreciate any kind or reflective words you can offer during their time of need. Saying something—with intention and thoughtfulness—is better than saying nothing.
Instead of avoiding a conversation in a fraught moment, try a phrase like, "I can't begin to know what you are going through, but I am here for you." If the moment is more lighthearted or celebratory, a simple, "I am so happy for you right now!" goes a long way.
What to say
Like many of us, your loved one is seeking balance between commitments and priorities at the workplace, with their family and in their social circle. If your friend is experiencing an imbalance, you can help them take stock of their current situation and determine what is truly important to them. Here are some things you can say.
Note: These conversation starters are just suggestions. Each individual’s experience will vary and users should measure their words based on what they know and do not know about their loved one.
"Take some time to disconnect. I’ll be here when you’re ready."
Why it works: We’re used to being “on” all the time, with friends and colleagues constantly contacting us via phone, text, email and social media. Taking a step away from perpetual connectivity will help your friend recharge and think more clearly about their personal, social and professional priorities. With this statement, you help your friend take time for self-care and reduce guilt they may feel for not instantly responding to messages.
"It seems like you have a lot on your plate. Would it be helpful to talk through your priorities?"
Why it works: If someone is overburdened with tasks and responsibilities, they may have lost sight of what truly fulfills them. Which of these tasks are actually meaningful and important to them, and which are obligations? Reviewing priorities can help your friend determine which commitments they may need to reconsider. Creating a safe space for this conversation will help reduce any guilt they may feel for lightening their load.
How to recover
It’s hard to see a loved one struggle with overwhelm and imbalance in their life. Everyone’s situation is unique, so you might slip up and say the wrong thing. Tell your friend that you want to understand their situation and help them achieve a more balanced and fulfilling life, whatever that means to them.
Other suggestions
Offer to be an accountability buddy for your friend on their mission toward work-life balance. You can join them in setting and adhering to a specific bedtime or turning off device notifications so they can be fully present during social activities.
Encourage your loved one to enjoy intentional solo time, during which they are not pressured to work or fulfill other obligations. Depending on the person, this could be exercise, spending time in nature, cooking a meal, or a creative activity like writing or painting. Help them establish boundaries and protect this time for their own self-care.